ZM_CH1: In Which Nickie Nick Discovers Her Destiny

In the Victorian tradition, today starts the serialization of The Zombies of Mesmer: A Nickie Nick Vampire Hunter Novel.  Join me every Friday for a new installment of this YA Steampunk ParaRomance. Leave a comment and be entered to win an author-signed copy of the sequel, released Summer 2013.

Follow Nicole Knickerbocker Hawthorn (Nickie Nick) as she discovers her destiny as The Protector, a powerful vampire hunter. Ashe, a dark and mysterious stranger, helps Nickie and her friends solve the mystery behind several bizarre disappearances. Suitable for teens, enjoyed by adults, the story is full of interesting steampunk gadgets, mad scientists, bloodthirsty vampires, and mesmerized zombies. This paranormal adventure is sure to appeal to fans of Boneshaker, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and The Vampire Diaries.

The Zombies of Mesmer is a Gothic Young Adult Paranormal Romance novel set in Victorian London. Appropriate for teens.

Get your very own copy of The Zombies of Mesmer in paperback or for your Kindle (FREE for Prime Members)! Don’t have a Kindle? Kindle apps are available for smart phones, PCs, and tablets. Have another eReader? Email me about other formats.

-_Q

Chapter 1: In Which Nickie Nick Discovers Her Destiny

PTSD: Somatic Experiencing & ACE Study

Through my somatic therapist’s blog, I found some incredible resources and further information to facilitate my understanding and healing. First, Somatic Experiencing, which I first heard about from a PTSD specialist I saw back in TX before the move. Although I only had four sessions with this woman (KH), she provided me with a turning point in my healing. First, by calling the events what they were: rape. Second, by validating I was suffering from PTSD, likely complex PTSD.

She was right.

Due to the cruelty of my former community and the constant hyper-vigilance, I left Austin and moved to Northern CA. KH stayed in touch with me and urged me to find a somatic therapist here. Although I live in a very rural area, after much searching and nearly giving up, I found one (SR).

He has become one of the three people I trust on this planet, the other two being my husband and my best friend.

Book Review: Rape is Rape

Rape is Rape: How Denial, Distortion, and Victim Blaming are Fueling a Hidden Acquaintance Rape Crisis by Jody Raphael
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

After reading this book, I truly know I’m not alone. The way I was treated after my rape by the police, my community, and my friends is, quite unfortunately, par for the course. In fact, some of the examples in this book show me just how much worse it could be. We live in a culture where rape victims are habitually not believed. Their rapists go on to rape rape rape some more. Police minimize the report, as the Dallas PD did with mine, treating the victim with indifference or, worse, blame and contempt. There were even cases where the women were charged with underage drinking or making a false police report because of the lack of physical evidence.

The Zombies of Mesmer (Podcast) – Chapter 22

Follow Nicole Knickerbocker Hawthorn (Nickie Nick) as she discovers her destiny as The Protector, a powerful vampire hunter. Ashe, a dark and mysterious stranger, helps Nickie and her friends solve the mystery behind several bizarre disappearances. Suitable for teens, enjoyed by adults, the story is full of interesting steampunk gadgets, mad scientists, bloodthirsty vampires, and mesmerized zombies. This paranormal adventure is sure to appeal to fans of Boneshaker, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and The Vampire Diaries.

The Zombies of Mesmer is a Gothic Young Adult Paranormal Romance novel set in Victorian London.
Appropriate for teens.

The Zombies of Mesmer – Chapter 22.

Buy your copy of The Zombies of Mesmer via Amazon or Barnes & Noble in paperback, and it’s also available in digital format exclusively for the Kindle at Amazon.com (Kindle Select – Free for PRIME MEMBERS).

Also available: Author-Signed through the publisher.

-_Q

Fiction Podcast
Including short fiction and poetry, and The Zombies of Mesmer
Subscribe in a reader …. or in iTunes

 

**NOT A PODCAST LISTENER? Join me next week for CHAPTER ONE of The Zombies of Mesmer published on this blog. Every friday thereafter a new installment will go live in the Victorian tradition of serializing novels. Just leaving a comment can win an author-signed copy of the sequel! See you there!

Transference & Trust

I’m falling in love with my therapist.

At least that’s what it feels like sometimes. Fortunately, the intense, romantic feelings are fleeting and sporadic. Sometimes, though, I’m distracted during a session by his smile or the way his lips move, wondering what they’d feel like against mine. When he gets up to check his phone, I find myself averting my eyes so as not to admire his form. Fortunately, those feelings are fleeting, too. I’m still unsure about sexuality and romance at this point in recovery, even if he wasn’t my therapist and monogamously married.

Romantic or sexual feelings towards one’s therapist are known as transference and erotic transference, respectively, and it’s quite common, especially for rape and incest survivors. Even feeling platonic love for one’s therapist, likening them to a parent, is a type of transference.

Mostly, I just feel gratitude and affection towards him. The little I know about him, for I pay him to talk about me, makes me want to know more. He’s a vegetarian and into alternative medicine, like me. He’s an environmentalist and into progressive politics, like me. He leans toward Eastern spiritual traditions, like me. (I get all these things from his bumper stickers, btw. ) He seems like an amazing person, and I’d like to spend more time with him and his wife. Coffee. Games. Hikes. Whatever. Just to have a friend. To be with people I trust. To start to rebuild community.

The Zombies of Mesmer (Podcast) – Chapter 20 & 21

Follow Nicole Knickerbocker Hawthorn (Nickie Nick) as she discovers her destiny as The Protector, a powerful vampire hunter. Ashe, a dark and mysterious stranger, helps Nickie and her friends solve the mystery behind several bizarre disappearances. Suitable for teens, enjoyed by adults, the story is full of interesting steampunk gadgets, mad scientists, bloodthirsty vampires, and mesmerized zombies. This paranormal adventure is sure to appeal to fans of Boneshaker, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and The Vampire Diaries.

The Zombies of Mesmer is a Gothic Young Adult Paranormal Romance novel set in Victorian London.
Appropriate for teens.

The Zombies of Mesmer – Chapter 20 & 21.

Buy your copy of The Zombies of Mesmer via Amazon or Barnes & Noble in paperback, and it’s also available in digital format exclusively for the Kindle at Amazon.com (Kindle Select – Free for PRIME MEMBERS).

Also available: Author-Signed through the publisher.

-_Q

Fiction Podcast
Including short fiction and poetry, and The Zombies of Mesmer
Subscribe in a reader …. or in iTunes

PTSD: Dissociation & Depersonalization

Mid-August 2012. The sun shone on the lake. The warm breeze blew hair into my eyes. My husband put his hand on my waist. A motorboat zipped across the water far below our home.

But I wasn’t there.

I watched this scene as if it was on TV or a huge cinema IMAX scene. It was somehow not real. It was somehow flat, 2D, yet 3D at the same time.

Depersonalization episodes have come and gone over the past year in dealing with rape acceptance and recovery, but no episode since accepting the rape had been as surreal as that one. It was part of my brain processing the trauma. I’m unable to put it into words–how I felt removed from the world, yet there I stood in it. It was one of the most bizarre moments in my life.

Fortunately for my good friend Google and one of the two rape recovery counselors I was seeing at the time, I identified it as depersonalization, a common symptom of PTSD or RTS (Rape Trauma Syndrome).