Primarily Secondary

•January 25, 2012 • 10 Comments

Some people in polyamorous relationships use the terms “primary” and “secondary” to categorize relationships. Others steer away from those terms because they feel it suggests that love is finite if one is loved more than another or that somehow the love for one is not as deep or pure (or something) as for the other, thus being “secondary” in that sense.

In these posts, I generally use the terms “primary” and “secondary,” etc., to describe polyamorous relationships. Now that I actually have a beautiful “secondary” relationship, I’m seeing the limitations and the potential problems with these terms.

The issue with trying to communicate such profound concepts is that language is limited…much more limited than love. We struggle to articulate feelings and situations not only through the limited nature of language but also through the preconceived societal notions ingrained in our brains since childhood. It’s tricky. It takes a lot of patience, even more understanding, and an infinite amount of love. Continue reading ‘Primarily Secondary’

Steampunk Spotlight: Clockwork Con Report

•January 24, 2012 • 6 Comments

Me & The Rabbit

OMG. Where do I start?

Clockwork Con 2012 not only exceeded mine (and everyone else’s) expectations for a first-year Steampunk convention, but we all had an absolute blast on top of it. I don’t think I’ve ever had so much fun at a convention before, and that’s saying something because conventions are generally a pretty good time.

This convention was organized and implemented by the amazing couple Alex and Tiffany Whisenhunt. They’re in their early twenties, are full-time students, work full-time, and live in Lubbock. The convention was in Austin. Pulling off any event is tricky, but a first-year Steampunk con in a city nearly seven hours away….

I mean, wow. Continue reading ‘Steampunk Spotlight: Clockwork Con Report’

Human Touch (Podcast)

•January 20, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Episode 30: Human Touch (Podcast).

The touch of another human being can be a powerful source of healing, not only for what’s going on inside your own heart and mind, but for your relationship as a whole. The gesture of a loving touch given freely and frequently throughout your days can transform your relationship from one that feels empty and distant to one that is full of love and affection. So please, just reach out and touch your spouse. Often. It only takes a fraction of a second, and it can change your entire life.

Human Touch (Podcast)

Original Blog Post

Building A Romantic Relationship

•January 18, 2012 • 4 Comments

I’ve been very happily married for over eleven years. I truly know what it takes to maintain a healthy, open, honest, and loving romantic relationship.

But, as it turns out, I’m rather rusty at building a new one.

Thankfully, I’m a fast learner. And, with even more gratitude, my secondary is a patient, loving, honest man.

One of the major things I’ve learned is to refrain from being too open, too fast, which I have a tendency to do. That’s not to say I withhold information or deceive, not by any means, but it takes time to get to know someone. A huge, rambling info-dump of who you are, your history, and your issues will only serve to frustrate and overwhelm. No one can process so much information at once.

It’s been a challenge for me, as I’m so used to just opening up and letting it all out at once to my husband, but a fledgling relationship needs more space to breathe.

Through a lot of inner struggle, I’ve forced myself to slow down and let things unfold naturally with my sweet auctioneer. Sometimes it was sheer torture between my emotional regulation issues, anxiety over the heartbreak last year, and deep control issues, but I have been wonderfully amazed. Euphorically shocked, actually, at how things developed because I just let them. Correction. Because we just let them.

And it’s more beautiful than I could’ve imagined or hoped for. Continue reading ‘Building A Romantic Relationship’

Steampunk Spotlight: Clockwork Con 2012

•January 17, 2012 • 4 Comments

Please join me this weekend in Austin, Texas for CLOCKWORK CON, Austin’s first Steampunk convention! I have been looking forward to this event for six months, and I’m ever so excited it is finally here!

There will be a special dinner (with an acoustic performance by Steam Powered Giraffe) on Friday night, a Comedy & Vaudeville Show, a Gadgeteer Festival, Concert/Dance on Saturday night, LARP, and a real TEA ROOM, open for the duration of the event.

There will be several amazing guests and performances at Clockwork Con, including

My Father the Ethical Slut

•January 13, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Columnist Stanley Siegel pointed me to this great article his daughter wrote entitled “My Father the Ethical Slut,” and I found it quite inspiring.

Original Article in Psychology Today.

Excerpt:

Rather than having a father who towers above you, warning about the risks of sex, instilling fear about it, who rather than judging and guarding your development to determine whether or not you have become sexually active, instead asks if you feel you are ready and have any questions, then hands you some condoms and tells you to have fun.

What would you do?

Well, most people would probably answer that they would do just that. Have fun. Experiment. Maybe even go a little crazy. But not me. Oh, no.

That’s not to say that I didn’t start having sex in my teen years. It’s just that I looked at my free pass, my dance card, with skepticism. Hesitation. If my parents weren’t going to guard my sacred virginity like a lion at the gate, then I guess it was my responsibility to make a decision about what I wanted to do with it.

Also read his viral article “In Defense of Casual Sex

Sharing Your Lifestyle (Podcast)

•January 13, 2012 • 2 Comments

Episode 29: Sharing Your Lifestyle (Podcast).

If your sexual preference or lifestyle is “controversial” by society’s terms, you might find yourself questioning whether or not to share it with your family and friends. For those who are GLBT, the answer is increasingly yes, and I couldn’t be more pleased. Society is *slowly* moving past tolerance into acceptance around GLBT. Finally.

Alternative lifestyles are a different story. They are not understood or accepted by society, although I see that *slowly* changing as well. More and more people I meet not only know the term polyamory, but they often know someone who is living an open lifestyle. But the question remains…do you share this with your more conservative friends/family?

Sharing Your Lifestyle (Podcast)

Original Blog Post

Steampunk Spotlight: 2012 Steampunk Conventions

•January 10, 2012 • 8 Comments

I just can’t get over how many new Steampunk Conventions are popping up around the country in 2012!! And I couldn’t be more pleased!!

Here is a non-comprehensive list of Steampunk Conventions up to May. I have the honor of being a literary guest of honor at each of these fine events.

Get them on your calendars now and join me for tea!

HRM Steampunk Symposium – January 13-16, 2012. Long Beach, CA.

Clockwork Con – January 20-22, 2012. Austin, TX.

Gadgets & Gobstoppers – February 3, 2012, Dallas, TX

AnachroCon – February 24-26, 2012, Atlanta, GA

AnomalyCon – March 23-25, 2012, Denver, CO

Florida Steampunk Exhibition - April 13-15, 2012, Daytona Beach, FL

Aetherfest – May 4-6, 2012, San Antonio, TX

Look for con reports of some of these fine conventions throughout the spring.

Those Three Little Words (Podcast)

•January 6, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Episode 28: Those Three Little Words (Podcast).

Love. Such a simple word, but too many people avoid it like other four-letter-words. Although a simple word, it certainly does not convey a simple concept. Love is very complex sometimes, although it’s apparant complexity is really just a delusion. Nothing is more natural or beautiful than love, and it is just fear around the word or the intimacy it often suggests that causes people to give pause. The word love in the English language has many meanings from a deep affection or preference for something (I love my dog, I love chocolate) to actually being “in love.” And so many things in between.

Sometime hearing those three little words can make someone’s day. We all need to feel loved, so use it freely. Just ensure the recipient of those powerful words understands your meaning behind them, especially in romantic relationships. It’s perfectly wonderful to express love even before two people are “in love.” Make sure you both are on the same page.

Those Three Little Words (Podcast)

Original Blog Post

The Joy of Sex

•January 4, 2012 • 5 Comments

It must’ve been in the early 80s when I found The Joy of Sex on the bookshelf at a local bookstore. I pulled it from the shelf and flipped through the pages, my pre-pubescent self wide-eyed and a little embarrassed at the pictures I saw. I had known, after all, the basic concept behind it, as my mother had had the talk with me, but seeing it there in black and white drawings made it all kinds of real, kinda gross, and a little scary. But I still couldn’t pull my twelve-year-old eyes away from  those pictures, except of course to flick them this way and that every few seconds to see if an adult would catch me looking at something so naughty.

Three years later, at the age of fifteen, I lost my virginity, and I’ve been basking in the joy of sex ever since. Continue reading ‘The Joy of Sex’

 
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