Some people in polyamorous relationships use the terms “primary” and “secondary” to categorize relationships. Others steer away from those terms because they feel it suggests that love is finite if one is loved more than another or that somehow the love for one is not as deep or pure (or something) as for the other, thus being “secondary” in that sense.
In these posts, I generally use the terms “primary” and “secondary,” etc., to describe polyamorous relationships. Now that I actually have a beautiful “secondary” relationship, I’m seeing the limitations and the potential problems with these terms.
The issue with trying to communicate such profound concepts is that language is limited…much more limited than love. We struggle to articulate feelings and situations not only through the limited nature of language but also through the preconceived societal notions ingrained in our brains since childhood. It’s tricky. It takes a lot of patience, even more understanding, and an infinite amount of love. Continue reading ‘Primarily Secondary’
I’ve been very happily married for over eleven years. I truly know what it takes to maintain a healthy, open, honest, and loving romantic relationship.
Please join me this weekend in Austin, Texas for 
It must’ve been in the early 80s when I found The Joy of Sex on the bookshelf at a local bookstore. I pulled it from the shelf and flipped through the pages, my pre-pubescent self wide-eyed and a little embarrassed at the pictures I saw. I had known, after all, the basic concept behind it, as my mother had had the talk with me, but seeing it there in black and white drawings made it all kinds of real, kinda gross, and a little scary. But I still couldn’t pull my twelve-year-old eyes away from those pictures, except of course to flick them this way and that every few seconds to see if an adult would catch me looking at something so naughty.
