Sometimes it still feels so fresh. The pain has lessened, but the despair and sense of loss remains. Sometimes he feels so close, as if just one text could be the door to heal all wounds. Could be the door back to love. I’ve truly lost something so very significant.
I found this bit of writing yesterday. Something I wrote over two months ago, just two weeks after the split. The fantasy hasn’t changed much since then. Despite what I’ve been through, what I still go through every day, the love remains. Hope, however, fades just a little more with each passing day. The hope of an ounce of remorse from him. The hope of any sign that I meant anything to him. The hope that it was even ever real.
And still, I pick up my phone each day and hope for this text:
Hi sweetheart. I miss you.
Although I wouldn’t recognize the number, as it’s no longer attached to your name, the “sweetheart” would tell me it was you.
I’d reply immediately:
Hello, my love. I miss you, too.
I think of you everyday. I love you.
Oh, sweetie! I love you, too. You’re never more than a thought away.
Suggestions? You’d say.
Wednesday. I’d say.
Just you & me. Someplace public, but quiet. Let’s just be. Smile & laugh. Talk about nothing much. Perhaps a walk, hand in hand. And a single kiss before we’d part. Then again the following week. Slowly getting reacquainted. Just enjoying the others company. Eyes. Lips. Touch. For the next three weeks…
Then take me back to your place. Dribble wine on my flesh. Feed me chocolate. Kiss me all over with those sweet, tiny kisses.
Then with all the love, desire, and passion built up over the past
six weeks four three months, make love to me. Join me in that place of blissful ecstasy. Show me heaven again.
I miss you.
~ by omgrey on May 12, 2012.
Posted in Lost in the Aether, Short Fiction & Poetry
Tags: author, broken heart, fear, grief, healing, heartbroken, honesty, hope, intimacy, loss, love, narcissist, non-monogamy, o.m. grey, olivia grey, open, open marriage, passion, poem, poetry, relationship advice, relationships, romance, sex, shattered, silence, sweetheart, text, texting