Sweet Samhain: A New Beginning.

Today is Samhain, better known in this country as Halloween. It is the Celtic New Year, and with it I embark on a new beginning. A few weeks from now will be one year from meeting the monster who has stolen this last year from me, and a few short months after that will mark a year from the assaults. The road of recovery after rape is a long, difficult one, navigating through the arduous terrain of PTSD and the total loss of sexuality and trust, but every day I’m better.

Today, I’m asking for your support.

Write. Podcast. Create. This is all I do, and it’s out here for free. Rest assured, I couldn’t cease doing those things even if I wanted to stop. If my work has touched, helped, or entertained you, or made you feel less alone, please consider donating or consider buying one of my books. for support. This is a one-time payment. Any amount is greatly appreciated. You can find this link anytime in the right sidebar. Truly, no amount is too small to show your appreciation or just to express solidarity.

You can also choose to make a monthly $10 donation here, and you can stop this recurring payment at any time.

And, as always, your words of support and encouragement and praise, or just understanding and compassion, mean more than anything. So please comment on my work.

I have recently posted a lot about rape and the horrors of this world, and I know it must be very triggering for many followers, and sometimes it’s triggering for me to read and write these very important things, but in a strange way it keeps me fighting at times when I fear I might descend back into the darkness of despair.

As I move forward with my posting and podcasting, I truly don’t know what direction these things will take. I am currently unable to write about love and sex, about romance, as I have lost faith in the integrity of so many people, but I would like to be able to talk about something other than rape. I’m hoping to tour next year to speak with sex-positive and polyamorous groups about safer sex as well as deepening intimacy and communication skills, but I’m not yet confident I will be able to do that. I am working so hard just to feel safe again. Still, as part of this new beginning, I would like to begin writing about more positive, hopeful things, but I hope that my readers will forgive me if those blogs still lean toward these dark topics while I continue to heal. I will do my best to bring the light into the dark corners, as I’ve always done, and to focus more on the light itself. I’ve already recorded the “poly” podcasts through the end of November, but I hope to move to happier topics shortly thereafter.

Unless one has experienced the level of betrayal that rape by a loved one brings, I don’t suppose it’s something I have the talent to truly convey in words, although I have certainly tried. But I can tell you this: it changes you at a very profound and deep level, permanently. I’m as peaceful as can be expected in my lovely Northern CA lakeside hideaway, and I plan to stay here, recover, and put most of my professional efforts toward writing a novel that is a year overdue. I can still only function about half the time, but I’m no longer going to chide myself for not healing fast enough. It takes as long as it takes.

Thank you for reading, and please keep commenting. It also helps me feel less alone. xo

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~ by omgrey on October 31, 2012.

8 Responses to “Sweet Samhain: A New Beginning.”

  1. Blessed Be. I cannot begin to express what your words brought to me. Bright Blessings for a New Year.

  2. When ever one of us speaking up, it helps all of us. You are doing great work here.

  3. I’m so sorry to read of your horrible experience. I’ve enjoyed your Tweets for some time and had no idea what happened to you. Keep writing and fighting!

  4. it takes me awhile to catch up with all your posts. I am so moved, when i do catch up. agreed: when one person speaks up, it helps us all. I rarely, if eve r, get support for speaking up. Mostly i am shamed or ignored, and people stay away from me — expressing any opinion let alone anger at male dominance makes one a pariah — i do it anyway, as much as i can. Of course i have few friends — virtually none. And although that’s inconvenient, i’m pretty much stopped caring. They are threatened by hearing the truth of what’s going on in the world — i get that. I would like to go to a place w here speaking up is normal — and as ironic as it sounds, talking about the atrocities — acknowledging them instead of pretending they dont exist — makes me feel safe. I would love to live in one big community with all of you who understand this….

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