Rewarding Misogyny.

Today is the 100th International Women’s Day, a day when the earth celebrates women and their social, political, and economic achievements. Events recognizing women are taking place all over the world. Annie Lennox tweeted from an event in the UK. Women gathered in Turkey, the Ukraine, and in 70 other countries. Daniel Craig dressed in drag. Ironically (or perhaps stereotypically) there are no events in Texas.

Yesterday, Charlie Sheen tweeted this:

“Nice guys finish last, awesome guys finish on her face.#dealwithit #winning

It has been retweeted over 3,000 times. On International Women’s Day.


This statement is not funny; it is hateful. It is offensive. It shows a total disregard and disrespect for women. It comes from a sick man who is going through some drastic life changes. Unfortunately, it’s bringing out the worst in him. Many people are finding it entertaining, but ultimately their attention is just rewarding his misogyny. And that’s what this shows: a hatred of women.

There is nothing funny or entertaining about misogyny.

Misogynists aren’t always very easy to spot because on the surface they trumpet how much they love and respect women, and often times women find out too late, perhaps after they are already in love or attached in some other way. Then she is more likely to overlook the signs of the misogynist.

For the sake of your own heart and sanity, please don’t overlook the signs. Get out and get away.

Some symptoms, taken from experience:

If a man, when complaining about some apparent wrong doing, uses the phrase “cry rape,” he is likely a misogynist. If when seeing a questionable driver says, “it must be a woman,” or comments on the attitude or temperament of a woman and says, “it must be that time of the month,” he is likely a misogynist. If he refers to a thin woman as a “spinner” or makes jokes about “rufies,” he is likely a misogynist.

A man who cheats on his wife, lies and deceives, is likely a misogynist. And, yes, suggestively flirting on the internet with other women is cheating.

When woven in conversation, these phrases can seem rather innocuous (although they never seem so to me), but they are very clear signs of a deep disrespect and possibly a hatred for women. #dealwithit

Misogynists are often handsome and charming and witty. They talk about how much they love women. They openly advertise that they have an inherent respect for women. They themselves may not even realize their own misogyny (in their mind they love women), but it is quite clear in their words and actions. These types of comments show a deep-seated hatred.

Using terms like “skull fucking” to describe an intimate act is quite misogynistic. It’s not witty. It’s not funny. It’s hateful and offensive.

Threatening a woman with abandonment while seducing her is highly misogynistic. Telling her things like “if anyone finds out about this, you’ll never see me again” while you are both naked and vulnerable is seriously abusive.

If when discussing your relationship he says something like “This is not just about sex. There are 30 women I could call right now who will fuck me,” he is likely a misogynist. These kind of men ultimately view women as objects–sperm receptacles to be tossed aside when full. And tossed aside you’ll be.

These are the words and actions of a man who is not only a misogynist, but is also a Narcissist.

Run. Very, very fast.

Today is International Women’s Day. Let’s celebrate it by taking a stand against misogyny.

Don’t retweet (RT) Charlie Sheen’s filth.

Don’t allow a man to use and discard you.

Don’t give yourself, heart and body, to a man who says or does things like the above examples.

Stand up for your inherent self worth. If you hear a misogynistic comment, call them out on it. I admit that I normally don’t do this. I never laugh, but I just remain quiet.

From this point forward I vow to call out misogyny when I see it. I hope you will join me.

Let’s stop rewarding misogyny.


What are some other examples of misogynistic signs to watch out for?

~ by omgrey on March 8, 2011.

18 Responses to “Rewarding Misogyny.”

  1. Wow powerful post- as usual. For your question at the end some other examples:

    If you have a hysterectomy he calls you an it.

    If he limits a woman to the use of sexual organs.

    If he makes sexual or lewd comments about other women in front of the one he is with such as “Why can’t you look like that?” or “Man look at her rack, I’d like to t***y f**k her!”

    If he cannot deal with you getting a raise/promotion and says its only because you screwed your way to the top or they had to fill a quota.

  2. How revolting. Thank you so much for sharing.

    I’ve had a man do the 3rd one back in my 20s, the “why can’t you look like that” nonsense.


    I wish I could say that I learned my lesson then. I guess I did, but after being with such a wonderful husband for the past decade, I had forgotten how cruel men can be. I was painfully reminded recently.

    WTF-ever. This stops here. This stops now.

  3. lovely thoughts…

    love your blog, your poetry is impressive!
    Make a contribution to us today, the collection is to be closed within 24 hours.
    Thanks, we value your support. xxx

    welcome rock.

  4. >What are some other examples of misogynistic signs to watch out for?

    Victim-blaming: suggesting (when a rape case comes up on the news, or in conversation) that the victim might have been “asking for it” in some fashion.

    • Very good example. Certainly deplorable in cases of rape. Victim-blaming happens throughout the crimes of the heart spectrum as well. Most definitely a misogynist at work. Thank you for your comment.

  5. I agree, unfortunately I know too many men like this. As for Charlie Sheen I doubt that he is “going through life changes” never forget that he is an actor, a talented one. This “thing” that he has been doing is just a character. A repulsive amplification of the TV character he recently portrayed. In a world overtaken with dross like the “Jersey Shore” he will find a market for “Charlie Sheen” at least for a while.

    As for misogynist’s, Run don;t walk, sever all ties and live a happy life.

  6. I have made jokes about ‘rufies’, ‘skull fucking’ and various other vile and distasteful things, I don’t think I’m a misogynist (I may be wrong) but I think context can be important certainly when it comes to humor.

    I’m not saying those things aren’t offensive, just that in certain situations (normally with close friends) they aren’t always offensive.

    Basically: would you say jokes about ‘rufies’ etc are always misogynistic?

    Please, this is an honest question made with the aim of learning, I may not agree with you but it is an honest question so please give me an honest answer.

    • Just because no one present finds them offensive, as in joking around with close friends, doesn’t make them any less offensive or respectful of women. I think jokes about rufies and using rufies shows an inherent disrespect for women. Jokes like “Why is a bike better than a woman? Because you can ride it hard and put it away wet without complaint” show an inherent disrespect for women. As do terms like “skull-fucking.” These basically say that it is an inconvenience women are complete people with needs and emotions and desires instead of just an ejaculatory tool. The intent behind the joke is degrading to women. Think when you are with your friends saying these things, are there women present? Would you say these jokes in front of women?

      Jokes about rufies, or about rape of any sort, are just not funny. There is absolutely nothing funny about rape or sexual assault.

      When I was in England, I was taking the train back from a very lovely day in Oxford, and I felt wonderful. A group of five drunk young professional men came into the car and sat at one of those four-seater tables across the aisle from me. The fifth of their group had to sit behind them, being left out of the loud, boisterous conversation. Since my seat was at a much better position with which to interact with the group, I offered it to the fifth, who thanked me graciously, as did three of the other men. They spewed drunken gratitude and offered me a drink as I gathered my things to move elsewhere. Then one member of the group, while the others were offering me thanks and drinks, said “how about a rufie?”

      And I felt sick. Here I had just done a kindness to this group by offering my seat, and this man thinks it’s funny to offer to drug and rape me in exchange.

      There is absolutely nothing funny about sexual assault. Have I mentioned?

      As far as whether or not your are a misogynist, I think many of these types of jokes are learned and are cultural, and people repeat them without understanding the damage and hatred and disrespect they perpetuate. If you truly love women, and not love women in the sense of you like to have sex with them, but if you respect women as complete human beings, then you might want to take a closer look at your deep seated beliefs. If you find these things funny and you enjoy joking about rape and derogatory sexual acts, then you likely have an inherent disrespect for women. Most misogynists, by the way, think they love women.

      The good news is that you have control to change your thinking around the subject and your behavior. And you can enlighten others as well.

      Thank you so much for your question, Sam. xo

      • Thank you very much for your reply.

        That story is terrible and I’m very sorry it happened. That sort of comment is entirely inappropriate.

        But (you knew it was coming didn’t you?) I would say that context plays a huge part of humour: I have made various jokes to various friends (of both genders) that to a stranger would be entirely misogynistic, I would argue though that they understand that I do not mean what I say (in fact that is often part of the humour).

      • Just because it’s funny, doesn’t mean it’s respectful.

  7. I am moved by this post. Thank you for writing it. As a mother of sons, it has been my goal to do my best to ensure they aren’t misogynistic. When they were little and started spouting, “boys rule, girls drool!” I was livid. It’s a hard thing to do…and especially when women jokes are such a part of American humor culture. Even I say some things that are hateful to/about women and I am a woman! But you’re right…just because it’s pervasive doesn’t mean it’s not wrong.

    • Thank you so much for your comment and for teaching your sons respect for women, despite our inherently misogynistic culture. You rock!

  8. […] by instructing their sons not to follow in the misogynistic footsteps of their fathers. In the blog omgrey Susie Kline states in the comments: I am moved by this post. Thank you for writing it. As a mother […]

  9. When a man says, “There are two kinds of women…” he is probably a misogynist.

  10. Traiteur Rabat Regal; Traiteur de ronome au Maroc

    This is my expert

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