Lonely in London
The past few days have been glorious. I got to spend time in the company of two lovely men who helped me feel a little less lonely.
I’m a fairly solitary person. When at home, I spend most days alone in my office working, as my husband is at work or even if he’s home is puttering away on one of his many projects. I work online. Marketing. Blogging. Networking. Scheduling. Podcasting…when I’m not writing, which is also done home alone. The bulk of my social interactions consists of people met at fantasy conventions across the US and people I chat with on Twitter and/or Facebook. Because how do adults meet new people? My sister has a close circle of friends from her husband’s work, parents of her children’s classmates, and those who attend her church.
We don’t have kids,
We’re self employed.
We don’t go to church.
It makes for a fairly lonely existence.
As you’ve read, I planned this 7-week sojourn to Europe to recharge and write a book, but circumstances beyond my control threw a wrench into those plans. So. One adapts. Introspection continues. Loneliness prevails.
That is until a few days ago. I had put an ad up on Craigslist to find a new friend who was also brokenhearted, so that we could keep each other company. And find a new friend I did! He’s delightful and kind, and we have a nice connection. After chatting online, we met for a walk along the South Bank and walked over the Tower Bridge together a few evenings ago. We both were quite grateful for the company, and we shared intimate details of our lives and heartache. It was very healing, and it was one of the best evenings of my life. We enjoyed it so much that we saw each other again last evening and continued getting to know each other, talking and sharing for hours. We get on quite well, and I think I’ve found a lifelong, intimate friend and confidant in him. However, he has a life and a job here in London, so he’s unable to entertain me as much as I’d like. Fortunately I’ll get to see him again a few times before my departure in three more weeks.
In between these lovely two evenings, I had the great pleasure of traversing London (6 hrs of walking & laughing & sharing & discovering the wonders of this great city together) with a Twitter friend who is also in a similar situation of heartbreak. And that day was magnificent. We, too, got on quite well. We saw the Doctor Who Experience together and reverted into geekalicious kids in our shared glee around actually be IN the Tardis and coming face to face with Daleks. Exterminate! It was a truly splendid day all around and very hard to say goodbye. Another lifelong friend made!
Which brings us to today, the day before I’ll be waiting for an important phone call from my beloved…one which I’m not sure will come. It’s going to be a long day tomorrow. For tomorrow ends the four weeks of silence meant to give us both enough space to sort ourselves out. And I hope with all my heart that the silence will end tomorrow. To keep busy today, I explored London again, walking for six more hours and taking in the sights of whatever crossed my path, this time alone. It’s not as much fun alone.
I beheld remnants of history in the Victoria & Albert Museum.
I shopped in Knightsbridge and bought a special gift for my husband.
I walked beneath the Marble Arch and gazed at Buckingham Palace.
I wandered through St. James Park and watched the ducks.
I walked past my favorite clock tower and listened to Big Ben chime, and I’m determined to be kissed beneath that tower before I leave. De.ter.mined.
I thought a lot.
I cried a little.
I missed my new friends and my husband and my beloved.
Walking hand in hand with a kind, compassionate man along the south bank is much better than visiting a museum alone.
Laughing with a friend, even though your feet ache from walking six hours, is better than a solitary walk through beautiful gardens.
Company is good. Laughter is good. Sharing is good. Cuddles are good.
And I have a new appreciation of the word good. It’s a good word.
I’m a grateful person, and I like to acknowledge that gratitude. Thank you new friends for sharing your time and lives and insight with me. I cherish the time we spent together, and I look forward to when I can see you each again.
Thank you, my husband and my world, for loving me for who I am, for allowing me to explore and experiment and live and love.
Thank you, my beloved, for the time and love you shared with me.
Please break this silence. Don’t leave me Lonely in London for another day.
-_Q
P.S. The bright side of 12+ hours of walking is that I can eat my entire box of Godiva Dark Chocolate without feeling guilty! 🙂
Caught in the Cogs 
I had no idea you were in the UK – how much longer are you here for? I can come up to London, or you can come down to the Kent coast – it’s about an hour on the train from London Victoria…
I’m here for just under three more weeks. In London until the 16th. After that is up in the air. Need to sort out lodging. Know anyone who needs a house sitter around then? Extra room? Leaving for the states on the 24th.
Sure! I’d love to come down to Kent. Or come up here, too. I’d love the company.
I hear you, making contacts in London is so hard when you don’t tick one of those three boxes you’ve outlined! That’s so me. Nice to find your blog, mine sucks, will start again 🙂
[…] hoping that he meant it when he said he was determined to make things work…Paris. Normandy. London. Weeks of tears and questions and the inability to do anything, write, read, or even watch movies. […]