Sharing Your Lifestyle
If you have some sort of unconventional (as defined by society) relationship with your SO/spouse, you might find it difficult to share your philosophy with friends and family, as most people don’t understand open relationships and they can be very judgmental when faced with those choices. When I started blogging openly about the topic, I had this very conversation with my husband. Since I’m a very open person, often sharing way too much (definitely have TMI issues), I asked him what we should tell family and friends. His response was simple.
It’s none of their business.
He likened it to sharing your favorite sexual positions with your mother. It’s just not something you generally talk about. It’s private.
This touched on something I’ve long felt regarding sexual preferences across the board. For example, I could never understand why so many people are hostile toward homosexuals. Why do people spend huge amounts of energy and time preaching against homosexuality? What two consenting adults do behind closed doors is their own business. It doesn’t affect the lives of these Bible-thumping protesters. It’s rather absurd, really.
Now this is not to say one should stay in the proverbial closet, by no means! If anyone understands the need for self-expression and open communication, not to mention the need for validation and acceptance, I do. Nor am I suggesting you should hide it away, necessarily. I’m just saying there is no need to make a grand gesture or announcement that you choose to live an open lifestyle, unless *you* really need to do so.
If you want to be open with friends/family about your lifestyle, expect harsh judgment and high emotions. But don’t react to them. Remain calm and tell them that this is a decision you and your spouse/SO came to together. Neither was coerced into the decision, you just feel it’s what you both need.
A reason to tell or attempt an explanation is if they see you flirting with others or in the company of others, and you don’t want them to misunderstand the situation as infidelity. This is usually when I tell friends, as their opinion means enough to me to clarify that I’m not unfaithful.
If you’re finding it difficult to bring up the subject, try citing this blog series to test the waters. A “what do you think about this” scenario, although I can guarantee their response will be “that doesn’t work.”
Ultimately, your sexual decisions as a consenting adult is your business, your spouse/SO’s business, and potential or established satellite lovers’ business. No one else’s.
Remember, what other people think of you is none of your business. Their thoughts are their own. It’s one of the maxims I try to live by.
- Click to email (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
- Share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)
- Click to print (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on Google+ (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
~ by omgrey on August 17, 2011.
Posted in Romance & Relationships
Tags: author, broken heart, healing, heartbroken, honesty, infidelity, love, non-monogamy, o.m. grey, olivia grey, open, open marriage, polyamory, postaweek2011, relationship advice, relationships, romance, sex, steampunk