The Cost of Love
“Loving can cost a lot but not loving always costs more, and those who fear to love often find that want of love is an emptiness that robs the joy from life.”
– Merle Shan
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~ by omgrey on August 27, 2011.
Posted in Romance & Relationships
Tags: author, broken heart, grief, healing, heartbroken, love, o.m. grey, olivia grey, postaweek2011, relationships, romance, shattered
Caught in the Cogs 
i find that loving someone just opens you up to pain and heartbreak. You are giving someone that power to hurt you.
I have given up on love, don’t believe in it anymore. I am now devoid of all feelings. It has brought the worst out in me, things I never knew existed.
Loving someone does open you up to pain and heartbreak, but it also opens you up to joy and love. I understand you’ve given up on love, and I have at times, too. Heartbreak has brought out the worst in me, too. It has caused me to contemplate things I thought I would never do, and things that fortunately I haven’t done…but I think of them just the same. It’s the pain talking. It’s the betrayal that someone could think so little of you as to treat you in this manner. But ultimately we can never truly know what’s going on in the other person’s mind or heart unless they share that with us. Their actions speak volumes, no doubt, but it’s only in our perception and through our experiences that we interpret those actions into meaning. We might be completely mistaken in our conclusions.
I hope that you will get through this pain of betrayal and trust someone to love again, because when they’re there with you, when they don’t lie or deceive, when they don’t give up, when they show with their words and their actions that you are worth the effort (for you are, even if certain people don’t see it), then it is the most beautiful thing in this life.
Talk to me anytime you like. Email me and we’ll talk further.
But in being so open, we also give ourselves the power to heal. It often takes a brief return to the wounds we carry in order to know they’re still exercising some degree of control over us.
A trusted love can hold us through the process, the shaking, the flights of rage, the tears. That person who loves us and whom we love in return can help us heal by providing us a safe harbor to come back to after our journey to the depths. And we can do the same for them.
It takes patience, with ourselves and others. It takes conscious attention to the little upsets, the tiny sensations of being rubbed the wrong way. The hell with what Richard Carlson says. Sweat the small stuff, attend to it, deal with it right then and there. Otherwise it grows inside us, and then it’s bigger the next time it shows up.
Love is worth it. The only payment required is to give up control and dive in headfirst.
A trusted love can get us through the worst of times, no doubt. My husband has been my rock through the worst heartbreak of my life, as well as the current one. Without him, I’m not sure how I would’ve survived. Such a profound, deep love is not easy to find and it is work to develop and maintain, but as long as both of you are determined to make things work, anything is possible.
I’m with you about dealing with the small stuff. Deal with it all, small and big, and deal with it together. It’s so worth it. I’m so worth it. You’re so worth it. And love is definitely worth it.
Just don’t. give. up.
I have given up on the concept of love conquers all, it really doesn’t..
Not on it’s own, no. Love is not enough to maintain a relationship, but with courage and persistence, love can be the catalyst that helps us stay the course and find a way.
However, if one or both parties give up, not much can be done. It’s crippling and sad, and something I’m dealing with at the moment. Someone I love very, very dearly has given up, shut the door in my face and refuses to try any longer. It saddens me deeply, not only because I love him, but because I know we could have a beautiful friendship, if nothing else, if he just could see that we were worth the effort.
Love is always worth the effort.
Love is not a magic wand.
There are no shortcuts.
Anything worth having is worth working for. So why are so many people unwilling to do the work?
Doc
I’ve asked myself that question quite often lately. Why people give up on love is quite beyond me. It really happens far too rarely to be denied.