Short Story: Three’s A Crowd

I wrote the story below for a Writers’ Bootcamp. Experimental, using only dialogue.

I highly *highly* recommend Jeremy C. Schipp’s Fiction Writing Bootcamp. Great exercises. Great feedback.

Thanks Jeremy! X

WARNING: Explicit Language Follows


“It could be fun!”

“Fun? You think it would be fun? I–I just don’t know what to say. What to think!”

“You know that I love you, my darling. You are everything to me.”

“Then why do you want someone else?”

“I only want someone else if you’re there, too.”

“So you want to fuck her and have me watch?”

“Well, not really.”

“You want to fuck me while she watches?”

“No. I mean, it’s not like that.”

“Then what is it like, Jack? Tell me, what exactly is it like?”

“Well, you know, a man has–”

“Needs? So fucking help me, Jack. If the next words out of your mouth are ‘needs,’ I’m going to fucking punch you in the nose.”

“You know things haven’t been all that hot lately, and…well…I’m just looking for, I dunno, something different? New? Exciting? Work with me here, Joanie.”

“Okay. Let’s just say, for argument’s sake, I say yes. I’m not saying yes, Jack, so just calm the fuck down. But let’s pretend for a moment. You have one dick, Jack. How are you going to fuck us both? In tandem?”

“I dunno how it will work. I mean, I’ve never done this before, but I thought it might be fun, for both of us.”

“Fun for me? You think there’s not enough societal pressure for women to be tight and hot and sexy and smart and every-fucking-thing? You think it would be fun for me to be comparing myself, my body, to another woman’s while we’re all in bed? While I’m watching you fuck her? How exactly is that fun for me, Jack? You know what I think? I think you are thinking of only yourself. That’s all. What a fucking surprise that is.”

“No, Joanie. I just thought…forget it.”

“You just thought what?”

“I just thought it might be fun. You know, spice things up a bit. What? What’s that look?”

“I know. Oh yes! I’ve got it. I think you’re right. I think it would spice things up, nice and hot all right.”

“Really? I mean. There’s no reason to be jealous. It’s you who I love. Inviting someone else in would just be to, you know, experience something new.”

“Okay. I’ll agree on one condition.”

“Name it! Anything!”

“The third person we invite in to spice things up is a man. A nice hot beautiful man with a big cock. That’s right. That will spice things right up, and we wouldn’t have that, y’know, only one penis problem. I think that is exactly the ticket. After all, baby, it’s you I love, so what’s the big deal?”

~ by omgrey on September 10, 2011.

18 Responses to “Short Story: Three’s A Crowd”

  1. LOVING THIS!!!!!!

  2. I like it!

  3. very interesting

  4. I love it!

  5. Perhaps a foursome is the answer ….

  6. […] “Three’s A Crowd“ […]

  7. […] “Three’s A Crowd“ […]

  8. Variety may be the spice of life for some but fidelity is the bread and butter.

  9. Works for me. Would certainly spice up someone’s sex life.

  10. I used to suggest a man every single time a man dared say this to me. And i have loved my body at EVERY size, as an adult. Do not care what others think. There will always be someone younger etc

  11. First, this is a clever and well-written story. It has a lot of really well-made implicit points about male privilege, our social expectations about threesomes, the double standard between male and female bisexuality, and the sense of entitlement that a lot of people (especially men) have about their sex lives.

    I have one major problem with it, though. It’s not even really about the story, but it takes what ought to be a really clever piece and turns it into a sneering shot at a whole group of people who have little-to-nothing to do with what it’s talking about.

    To be specific: this story is improperly tagged.

    It’s not about polyamory, which is a consensual and honest sharing of love and yes, sex, between more than two people at the same time. Any story that features two characters saying to each other “You are everything to me” and “you are the one” is probably not about polyamory. And by tagging it with the label of polyamory, the story is implicitly buying into the narrative of prejudice that says polyamorous relationships are about men getting their rocks off irresponsibly and women ‘enduring’ it for the relational good.

    It’s also not about open marriage, which is about mutually consensual sexual conduct outside the (romantically monogamous marriage which remains central, and is an ongoing and persistent status. It is done for many reasons, from the philosophical to the sexual, but it’s done by mutual consent and for mutual enjoyment. When it isn’t, then it’s either being done very badly or not being done by all the people in the relationship.

    The people in this story are engaging, badly, in monogamy and contemplating non-monogamy (a tag it correctly bears). It should be tagged as such. Anything else reinforces negative stereotypes and shifts the story from being what it should be – a clever rebuke to sexist male sexual entitlement – into just another prejudicial jab about the wrongness of non-monogamy.

    • Agreed.

      However, if you read so many of my other posts on polyamory, you will see that I’m pretty clear on what polyamory is and isn’t.

      Any blog post I write having to do with romance or sex at all is tagged polyamory, just as it’s tagged author, relationships, romance, relationship advice, etc. tagging is for SEO marketing purposes, and because I write so extensively on the subject, I want it associated with my name, O. M. Grey and Olivia Grey, also tagged in every post, to improve SEO searches. It’s a marketing strategy.

      This story is not about polyamory. You’re right. Nor was it intended to be. I can understand how the tag is confusing on this point.

      I’m so thrilled you liked the story! Thank you for reading and commenting. I invite you to read some of my many, many posts actually on polyamory, like “Successful Polyamory, or Poly vs. Amory” and “Positively Sex-Positive,” to name but two.


    • Although, in my personal experience with polyamory, that also happens a lot, men getting their rocks off without much to do with honesty or integrity. Women, too.

      Ideally, polyamory isn’t that. In practice, the lifestyle attracts both sexual and emotional predators, not to mention people using the trend for easy sex.

      Please, read more of my work. I’d love your input in the discussions.

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