So Long 2011

20111231-142803.jpgI have the urge to say “Good Riddance” when I think of 2011 coming to an end. It was by far the worst year of my life in some respects. Never have I known such betrayal and heartbreak and crippling anxiety. Well, I suppose I’ve known it all before, but not so intensely and constant, barely recovering from one slight before being hit with another. This year reminded me just how many people are predators, drowning in their own pain so much that they often unconsciously damage others. The number of liars never ceases to astound me, lacking integrity and justifying their behavior at every turn, oblivious, or apathetic, to the emotional corpses left in their wake.


Partially due to my struggle and partially due to me seeking distractions from the pain, this has been a magnificent year in some ways. For 2011 has brought me deep friendships, a supportive community, and a new chance for love.

As I sit in my hotel room at The Difference Engine in Ft. Worth, friends and fans and other lovely people bustle around downstairs. I can think of no one with whom I’d rather bring in the new year than my adopted family Airship Isabella. The fine members of that crew have brought me such joy and acceptance and support in the last year. My gratitude and love for all of them overfloweth. They are more family to me than my own flesh & blood.

And while I’m at it, let me thank others who have hugely impacted my life, bringing me light and love at every turn.

My amazing husband, of course, has been an unwavering source of support and light. My love for him still deepens every day. He has kept our lives and business running all while taking such good care of me. I’m so fortunate to have him in my life, and I tell him that every day. He is my world, my universe, my other self…

Oh, my dear Doctor Q. There just aren’t words…you’ve been my dearest friend, my muse, my support, my inspiration…the list goes on. You know my heart, love. You know me, and you still love me. 🙂

Andy & Marc, the two men who saved England for me and reminded me I was worthy of time, respect, and reciprocity during the darkest time of my life. When I felt alone and abandoned in a foreign country, these dear, cherished friends showed me kindness, patience, and love. They hold a special place in my heart and will never be forgotten.

Manu & Nicole, who made me feel completely at home while in Normandy and cared for me as if I was a part of the family. Nico, special friend, who kept me company and clarified some old misunderstandings. I cherish you still. Laurent, who gave me a place to stay in Paris and showed me the wonderful fireman dance party. Conversations with you are always enjoyable.

James & Benny, your kindness and patience and support mean more to me than I can ever express. You were always (& continue to be) right there for me whenever I need you. That is so special and rare. Thank you, gentlemen.

My beautiful Steampunk community!! Your support through this difficult time has been unbelievable and life-altering. I am so grateful and honored to be a part of this community. True friends, all of you, especially Toby of the Marquis of Vaudeville, Jaymee Goh, Ayleen the Peacemaker, Lucretia Dearfour, Unwoman, Mr. Saturday & Sixpence, Arron von Blackwolf, Ben Hamby, Professor Taboo, Tee Morris & Pip Ballentine, Nick Valentino & Liz Darvill, Mordecai Hale, Virginia, Peter Pixie, and Alex & Tif of Cracked Monocle.

And more recently, my love, gratitude, and respect goes to Andrew and Gabe, two very special men who entered my life in November. Through our growing relationships and love, you both have demonstrated, in your own unique ways, that which I’ve only ever dreamt of (& more) is possible. And it is more beautiful than I could’ve ever imagined. Thank you for loving me and letting me love you.

Just as my year of hell started more or less in Nov 2010, it ended in Nov 2011. I feel as if I’ve suffered a long, slow crash, but now I’ve finally been rebooted! I feel alive and fresh and new. I’m spending more time experiencing life in the real world rather than cyberspace. I’m basking in an abundance of love from friends who have become family and strangers who have become lovers. I can’t remember being so happy and fulfilled and full of light as I am right now.

2012 will be truly magnificent. I can feel it.

~ by omgrey on December 31, 2011.

8 Responses to “So Long 2011”

  1. I wish for you all good things this year…You have come through the fire and you bring with you the flames needed to warm and the flames needed to help you continue on your path through the flickering and always beautiful light. Left behind are the dirty ashes that cling to your skin and make you feel dirty and the twisted and charred pieces of your recent path that have been cast aside and left to die a slow death in your shadow! 2012 will be the beginning of wonderful things and many new and exciting experiences….Breathe them in and close your eyes…..and smile again! It’s been a pleasure to communicate with you from time to time this year…Make this night one to remember how you looked betrayal in the eye and stood strong! This is going to be your year! Happy New Year!!!

    • Thank you!! Your words always bring a smile to my face. We still must grab that coffee sometime soon. If not before, I’ll definitely see you at the wedding!

  2. 2011 seems to have been a crappy year for many; best wishes to you for joy and prosperity in 2012.

  3. It was a pleasure finally meeting you at the Difference Engine. The con reminded me of why I love the steampunk community so much and how far I’ve come despite all the bad things that happened this year. I never would’ve thought I would be presenting a panel, especially since a year ago, I was too bashful to even talk to other steampunks. We enter 2012 full of optimism, and it will be a great year. Happy new year!

    • And you! Such a pleasure to meet you! I’m certainly entering 2012 full of optimism, and I’m glad you’re right there with me. Happy, Happy New Year!

  4. Your opening paragraph expresses perfectly the way I have been feeling for most of last year, particularly since October. Your final two paragraphs contain everything that I hope will come to me. I hope that at the end of 2012 I will be able to look back and say that 2012 truly was magnificent.

    I’m really enjoying your posts and podcasts, on steampunk as well as on all things “health and happiness” and lack of same..

    • Thank you so much for your comment! 2011 was rough for a lot of people, I understand. I hope you will be able to say that about 2012, that we both will. I’m so pleased you’re enjoying the blog & podcast! Please keep commenting & do tell your networks about my work.

      Here’s to a happy and healthy 2012!

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