The most insidious lies are the ones we want to hear…or sometimes the ones we tell ourselves. Learn some of the lies predators tell to get your trust, and please learn to recognize the signs early and protect yourself from heartbreak and betrayal.
My heart goes out to you. We both have been used and abused by predators. I hope you heal soon. My wounds are deep and won’t heal anytime soon. But I am gaining strength from listening to you and reading your blog. I may end up loosing a lot more in my life rather soon, but you give me some hope to keep going on.
I just listened to this yesterday. (Yes, I am way behind.) I found your account of the Auctioneer asking you if your feelings of abandonment would kick in if he dated someone else. Going by your account, he pretty much badgered you in order to bring up those fears and re-activate them. To me it sounded like he was already planning on breaking up with you, he just wanted to push you over the edge into a collapse so he could claim that your mental instability was the reason, not his selfishness. The description certainly seems to follow that pattern.
I mostly agree with you. I think he did badger me to bring up the fears, but I think it was to push me into a position of submission so he could keep me around to fuck on the side. The other possibility was to push me into a place where I’d break up with him, enabling him to absolve himself of any responsibility (as usual) and play the victim to get closer to his other GF, someone who up until that point kept him at arm’s length emotionally, smart woman. (The same woman he told me the week before he was thinking of breaking up with because he “didn’t know what [he] was getting out of [that] relationship,” but, he decided, he wouldn’t. He wanted to “be sexual with her when [he wanted] to be.”) I’m hoping she didn’t fall for it. My guess is that she did, as he’s very good at psychological manipulation. (Plus, when she found out about his Genital Herpes 6 weeks later through a mutual friend, she didn’t leave his ass. So, yeah. She’s hooked.) He turned on the tears for me early on, too. That’s what these psychopath’s do. They use pity to get in, and it usually works with compassionate, loving women.
I think it’s the former, though. That’s where he had his ex GF: on the sidelines begging for scraps, and that’s where he was trying to maneuver me, too. He used my extreme emotional turmoil and fear that night to essentially rape me, turns out. I wouldn’t have used that term, and it’s certainly not legally rape, but four different sexual assault specialists told me it was rape when I explained the situation of that instance and the one earlier that week, when he punished me with violent sex for having the audacity to say that I had felt neglected when he ignored me and was giving lots of inappropriate affection to his ex right in front of me. A PTSD/sexual assault (SA) recovery counselor, two different rape/SA crisis center counselors, and a SA lawyer all told me it was rape. So, I’m a statistic now. One of the 1 in 7. Having to accept that what I’ve feared most my entire life has happened at the hands of someone I trusted completely. Who I loved profoundly.
The betrayal is crippling.
It’s been a difficult recovery process, Doc. PTSD is a bitch, and it’s taken me 5 months and extensive therapy to come to terms with what he did, and I’m still healing. The PTSD symptoms are lessening, but they are still there. Still triggered at times. I look forward to getting out of this town in a few weeks and being clear of the reminders. Until then, I do my best to keep busy and stay positive.
Episode 37: Insidious Lies (Podcast).
Caught in the Cogs 
My heart goes out to you. We both have been used and abused by predators. I hope you heal soon. My wounds are deep and won’t heal anytime soon. But I am gaining strength from listening to you and reading your blog. I may end up loosing a lot more in my life rather soon, but you give me some hope to keep going on.
I’m so pleased you find the blog helpful. Keep healing. Don’t let them win.
I just listened to this yesterday. (Yes, I am way behind.) I found your account of the Auctioneer asking you if your feelings of abandonment would kick in if he dated someone else. Going by your account, he pretty much badgered you in order to bring up those fears and re-activate them. To me it sounded like he was already planning on breaking up with you, he just wanted to push you over the edge into a collapse so he could claim that your mental instability was the reason, not his selfishness. The description certainly seems to follow that pattern.
I hope you are doing better.
Doc
Oops! Wrong post. The Above comment should have gone on the next podcast episode, Jealousy vs. Compersion. Sorry about that.
Doc
I tried to move it, but I couldn’t. No worries. 🙂
Hi Doc!
Thank you. I am doing better. It’s a process.
I mostly agree with you. I think he did badger me to bring up the fears, but I think it was to push me into a position of submission so he could keep me around to fuck on the side. The other possibility was to push me into a place where I’d break up with him, enabling him to absolve himself of any responsibility (as usual) and play the victim to get closer to his other GF, someone who up until that point kept him at arm’s length emotionally, smart woman. (The same woman he told me the week before he was thinking of breaking up with because he “didn’t know what [he] was getting out of [that] relationship,” but, he decided, he wouldn’t. He wanted to “be sexual with her when [he wanted] to be.”) I’m hoping she didn’t fall for it. My guess is that she did, as he’s very good at psychological manipulation. (Plus, when she found out about his Genital Herpes 6 weeks later through a mutual friend, she didn’t leave his ass. So, yeah. She’s hooked.) He turned on the tears for me early on, too. That’s what these psychopath’s do. They use pity to get in, and it usually works with compassionate, loving women.
I think it’s the former, though. That’s where he had his ex GF: on the sidelines begging for scraps, and that’s where he was trying to maneuver me, too. He used my extreme emotional turmoil and fear that night to essentially rape me, turns out. I wouldn’t have used that term, and it’s certainly not legally rape, but four different sexual assault specialists told me it was rape when I explained the situation of that instance and the one earlier that week, when he punished me with violent sex for having the audacity to say that I had felt neglected when he ignored me and was giving lots of inappropriate affection to his ex right in front of me. A PTSD/sexual assault (SA) recovery counselor, two different rape/SA crisis center counselors, and a SA lawyer all told me it was rape. So, I’m a statistic now. One of the 1 in 7. Having to accept that what I’ve feared most my entire life has happened at the hands of someone I trusted completely. Who I loved profoundly.
The betrayal is crippling.
It’s been a difficult recovery process, Doc. PTSD is a bitch, and it’s taken me 5 months and extensive therapy to come to terms with what he did, and I’m still healing. The PTSD symptoms are lessening, but they are still there. Still triggered at times. I look forward to getting out of this town in a few weeks and being clear of the reminders. Until then, I do my best to keep busy and stay positive.
Thank you for your comment, Doc.
I hope things continue to go well for you, and that you find the healing that you need.
Doc