Authentic vs. False Self

This is taken from Diane England, PhD’s website on Narcissism, Addition, and Abuse. She wrote a book on The PTSD Relationship. Very interesting, as that’s what I’ve experienced.

The person living as the real self is into creating win-win solutions. Indeed, she wants to do things that serve all parties. She also understands how it is possible to do so. After all, when one is living as the real self, she receives inner guidance that directs her on how to take actions that benefit others as well as the self. This means she doesn’t sacrifice her own needs for another, but she doesn’t disregard those of others so she might benefit herself, either.

Narcissists, on the other hand, are into misleading and manipulating other people in order to achieve their own selfish ends. But then, what matters most to them is their personal gain. They are comfortable doing what they do no matter what the costs to others. Of course, one of the characteristics of narcissism or the narcissistic is that they are concerned only about the well-being of others whom they perceive as players—like the self. They view all other people as objects to be used for personal benefit or gain.

The person operating as an authentic or real self strives to always be aware of her behavior and its impact on others. She strives to take right actions that are both beneficial and non-destructive to others as well as the world in general. The authentic individual realizes that because of the connection between herself and all others, when she harms another or some aspect of the universe, she actually is harming herself as well. This, of course, is so different from the perception of the narcissist who can only see what benefits him, even if it is destroying both others as well as the world.

Narcissism might be described as akin to constantly wearing blinders. Narcissists don’t see things as they truly are; they see them as they need them to be, or as they are. In other words, they can only look straight ahead at what will ultimately serve their own goals. When they see the means that serve their ends, they disregard or remain oblivious to the impact of pursuing these—on other people as well as any part of the larger interconnected system in which we are all part of the one—the source of all.

Please read the rest, as well as more informative posts, here.

Another article on the same topic: Behind the Facade: The “False Self” of the Narcissist.

~ by omgrey on April 26, 2012.

6 Responses to “Authentic vs. False Self”

  1. The idea that all people are inherently altruistic is an optimistic falsehood. People have taken advantage of each other for millenia: feudal societies, monarchies, even agriculture is considered to be an unneccesary development except in the context of exploitation. Consider that 1% of the population holds a third of all resources and means of production in the USA. As George Bernard Shaw said, “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” In this context, self-serving or unreasonable action has been the driving force of mankind for all of our history. I doubt change can come simply because one person, however insightful or educated, decides philanthropy is the norm.

    • She’s not talking about altruism. She’s talking about being a compassionate, empathetic human being who takes others into consideration as well as themselves. If what you’re saying is progress relies on narcissistic people, I don’t agree. There are people who have made huge strides towards progress who aren’t narcissists.

      Also, she’s not saying that people are inherently altruistic at all. It’s a choice. To look at oneself and one’s issues and face them, rather than hide from them, is a choice, if one is aware enough to make that choice.

  2. […] Authentic vs. False Self […]

  3. […] psychopaths, sociopaths, and narcissists (P/S/N). I’ve written about it in posts like “Authentic vs. False Self,” as well as others sprinkled throughout the past 18 […]

  4. […] Authentic vs. False Self […]

  5. […] Some types of autism also have limited-empathy, but this manifestation differs from the sociopathy/psychopathy/narcissism spectrum because those with autism don’t pretend to have empathy. They don’t manipulate […]

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