Authentic vs. False Self
This is taken from Diane England, PhD’s website on Narcissism, Addition, and Abuse. She wrote a book on The PTSD Relationship. Very interesting, as that’s what I’ve experienced.
The person living as the real self is into creating win-win solutions. Indeed, she wants to do things that serve all parties. She also understands how it is possible to do so. After all, when one is living as the real self, she receives inner guidance that directs her on how to take actions that benefit others as well as the self. This means she doesn’t sacrifice her own needs for another, but she doesn’t disregard those of others so she might benefit herself, either.
Narcissists, on the other hand, are into misleading and manipulating other people in order to achieve their own selfish ends. But then, what matters most to them is their personal gain. They are comfortable doing what they do no matter what the costs to others. Of course, one of the characteristics of narcissism or the narcissistic is that they are concerned only about the well-being of others whom they perceive as players—like the self. They view all other people as objects to be used for personal benefit or gain.
The person operating as an authentic or real self strives to always be aware of her behavior and its impact on others. She strives to take right actions that are both beneficial and non-destructive to others as well as the world in general. The authentic individual realizes that because of the connection between herself and all others, when she harms another or some aspect of the universe, she actually is harming herself as well. This, of course, is so different from the perception of the narcissist who can only see what benefits him, even if it is destroying both others as well as the world.
Narcissism might be described as akin to constantly wearing blinders. Narcissists don’t see things as they truly are; they see them as they need them to be, or as they are. In other words, they can only look straight ahead at what will ultimately serve their own goals. When they see the means that serve their ends, they disregard or remain oblivious to the impact of pursuing these—on other people as well as any part of the larger interconnected system in which we are all part of the one—the source of all.
Another article on the same topic: Behind the Facade: The “False Self” of the Narcissist.
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~ by omgrey on April 26, 2012.
Posted in Lost in the Aether, Romance & Relationships
Tags: author, broken heart, fear, grief, heartbroken, honesty, love, misogyny, narcissism, narcissist, non-monogamy, npd, o.m. grey, olivia grey, open, open marriage, polyamory, post traumatic stress disorder, ptsd, relationship advice, relationships, romance, shattered