Positively Sex-Positive (Podcast)
Episode 43: Positively Sex-Positive (Podcast).
**Trigger Warnings** This podcast discusses sexual assault & rape.
Sex-Positive is a trendy term meaning, again, different things to different people, but it mostly means that sex isn’t something to be ashamed of or feel guilty about. It’s about enjoying sex. Seeing it as a beautiful, natural expression of love and desire.
Unfortunately, much like the “free love” movement in the 60s, this budding sex-positive culture is being taken over by the predators who use trendy terms and conscious-sounding phrases to prey, exploit, and discard others. Usually women. The term is being used to excuse predatory behavior and perversions, like bestiality, incest, and sexual assault.
Be truly sex-positive and openly discuss how to keep yourself and your loved ones safe. Discuss how to deal with predators in your community and how to deal with sexual assault. That’s sex-positive.
Positively Sex-Positive (Podcast)
-_Q
Caught in the Cogs 
i agree. Like the term “friends with benefits.” As it is used, it is a way to treat a woman like shit and exploit her, while pretending you’re pulling the wool over the eyes by saying you’re a “friend.” It’s “I care about you, since i’m your friend, and if i act like you’re trash that’s ok bec you agreed, we’re only friends.” The whole concept is icky and creepy. A lover is a lover is a lover.
Agreed, most of the time. I think FWB is possible, but it’s a very rare arrangement that contains no exploitation.
As with any relationship, it takes honesty, self-awareness, openness, and integrity. Most people just don’t have those things. And far too many men sexually exploit women and will say whatever necessary. It goes the other way around, as well as with same-sex couples.
I haven’t listened to the podcast yet, but I have to say that these comments are getting my back up.
I’ve been in FWB relationships before and haven’t found them exploitative, not one bit. Meanwhile, your posts about polyamory, to this serial monogamist, come off as hardcore evangelism, and your reply to this monogamist smacks of No True Polyamorist, glossing over how often people (especially men) hide cheating and abuse behind the precepts of polyamory. “Well, monogamists do it, too!” doesn’t cut it for me as an excuse.
Ok.
And, good for you. So have I.
Such a brilliant and serious reply. Totally motivates me to listen to the podcast… except, nah, no interest in condescending poly evangelists who whine about other people judging their relationships while they judge those of others.
Nor do I have any interest in people who think that we shoudn’t condemn Catholicism becaues “a few priests are pedophiles.” A few? Try thousands, plus a hierarchy that has done nothing but stonewall and cover up for them and blame victims, plus misogynist, homophobic, and classist dogma.
Woah!!
Wait just a minute. I’m not sure what I’ve done to you, but your first comment was full-on attack. What was I supposed to say?
I’m not a poly evangelist, in fact, I’ve been very critical of polyamory of late. I think it is a valid lifestyle just like monogamy is. I have found that there is just as much deception and exploitation in poly relationships as there are in monogamous ones.
I don’t condemn monogamy. Not even a little bit. As I said in that comment to the serial monogamist you linked to as well as in many, many other places. People deceive and manipulate, whether mono or poly, and a lot of horrible people hide behind “poly.” I’m the first to admit it. I’ve written extensively about it. Granted, when I wrote that article *nearly TWO YEARS AGO,* I had a much more idealistic view of polyamory. Since then, and I’ve written EXTENSIVELY about the hypocrisy and dangers in poly communities and the predators that hide within.
Seems you’ve put on a full suit of armor to attack a hot fudge sundae, as Vonnegut would say. I don’t know with whom you’re angry, but you come into MY SPACE and start making accusations on my character when you quite obviously haven’t read many of my posts.
As for condemning Catholics, I was raised Catholic and left that misogynistic religion 20 yrs ago. There were thousands, agreed. Horrific, agreed. Unbelievably pathetic that they tried to cover it up. I agree with you. Still, not *every* priest is a pedophile. Thousands, yes. Not okay. But do you condemn an entire religion and all its millions of followers for something the latter didn’t even know about for centuries? Condemn the misogynistic hierarchy, agreed. My family is still Catholic. My step-father was a priest. He was not a pedophile, and he didn’t know it was going on when he was in the priesthood. When the scandal broke, he was sick and truly happy he had gotten out.
But you’ve approached this entire “conversation” with so much hostility and ignorance to who I am and what I think, I really didn’t have much to say. Nor was my reply condescending. It was acknowledging that the reply I wrote A YEAR AGO didn’t do it for you and congratulating you on having successful, non-exploitative FWB relationships, as have I.
You’re not going to listen to my podcast, boo-fucking-hoo. The podcast has nothing to do with FWB relationships, btw; it is on how predators and rapists use terms like “polyamory” and “sex-positive” to find and exploit victims and how the “poly” and “sex-positive” communities turn a blind eye.
If you don’t listen and never return to my blog again would be the best gift the universe could give to me today, except for word that my rapist is permanently and horribly disfigured, impotent, ostracized, and arrested for assault. That would actually be the best gift.
But getting rid of self-righteous trolls would be the second best.
Fuck off. I don’t need you or your aggression.
LOL. “Attacked”? My initial comment was pretty civil. My second one was a response to yours. Sorry that someone dared to criticize you without kissing your butt and reading your entire life story first…. Enjoy your blog,.
I do. Every day. So do hundreds of others.
Good Riddance.
Origami. Your initial Comment was civil? Let’s look at this:
“I haven’t listened to the podcast yet…”
You’ve already expressed your ignorance at the topic on hand, but that’s obviously not going to stop you from spouting your opinion.
“but I have to say that these comments…”
These comments…I see one comment on this post and one reply up to this point
“are getting my back up”
The aggressive stance and the opinionated attack to follow…
“I’ve been in FWB relationships before and haven’t found them exploitative, not one bit.”
That’s nice and if true, kudos because it is a rare thing. However if your ability to express yourself here is any indicator of your communication skills outside a forum, my opinion is that your belief is one sided and doesn’t include the belief of your partners.
Secondly, if you are true and correct, your experiences are not enough to skew the bell curve that is the norm in these situations. You are at the tail of the curve, the A+ student which is GREAT, but not indicative of the whole. By assuming the “correctness” of your opinion, you are attacking the poster and her POV.
“Meanwhile, your posts about polyamory, to this serial monogamist, come off as hardcore evangelism”
hardcore evangelism? How is that NOT an attack?
“, and your reply to this monogamist smacks of No True Polyamorist, glossing over how often people (especially men) hide cheating and abuse behind the precepts of polyamory.”
And how is that not an attack? Are you claiming that you ARE a True Polyamorist enabling yourself to judge how other polys should act? that’s not acceptance, that ‘s prejudice. And how is
…As for those emotional manipulators and abusers, whether they call themselves “polyamorous” or “monogamous,” they are still assholes. Do you condemn the monogamous lifestyle because upwards of 80% of marriages one or both partners have cheated? Do you condemn Catholicism because a few priests are pedophiles? Then why condemn polyamory because of a few lying, manipulative assholes? So you’ve known two “poly” relationships that crashed and burned. How many “monogamous” relationships have you known that practice infidelity on some level? Deception? Divorce?….
considered “glossing over cheating and abuse. The blogger is quite obviously pointing out that they (men AND women) exist in BOTH lifestyles and are, unfortunately, a part of our world.
There are many different ways to have expressed your opinion, yet your first “civil” post lacked respect towards the blogger and her views.
I respect that you have you’re own opinion, but having one does not mean that you are entitled to cut down someone else’s in an attempted to espouse your own.
James! Thank you!!!!
Thank you for the validation & for championing me. You renew some of my lost faith in humanity. Not many good people speak up, I’ve learned, which leaves the loudest voices for the trolls and bullies.
Thank you so much for not staying silent. I hope to meet more people like you moving forward.
xo