Episode 46: The Power of Responsibility (Podcast).
**Trigger Warnings** This podcast discusses sexual assault and rape.
To take responsibility for one’s own actions, to be able to say “I fucked up, and I’m sorry,” is very healing and compassionate. It speaks to a loving person with great self-awareness and courage to do so, and the result is more respect from your community and more love in your life.
Stand up. Be a man. Accept responsibility for your actions and show your strength of character by apologizing. Remember, you don’t have to be “wrong” to apologize. You don’t have to be “wrong” to admit that another person has been deeply hurt or traumatized. Acknowledgement and apology. So powerful, indeed.
2 Responses to “The Power of Responsibility (Podcast)”
I know this post was well-intentioned but i’m afraid it sends the wrong message. Men/abusers are always apologizing. That’s part of the abuse, and part of the cycle of violence. They apologize to their victims, to the judge, etc. This is nothing and means nothing but a way to suck in the victim again and to get them off the hook with the judge, should they ever make it that far. Remunerations and punishment are in order, not apologies. Words are empty, but also a very dangerous way for the abuser to prey again.
That’s very true, indeed. Insincere apologies are a part of the abuse cycle.
My point in this piece, which perhaps was lost, is that there are those who make mistakes and don’t apologize because they feel thy can do no wrong.
An apology can go a long way in healing. I know that an acknowledgment of damage caused and an apology to me would have facilitated my healing. But, I am aware that it would likely have been insincere and I could have fallen back into the same pattern.
Still there are those who are so proud they make a mistake and don’t apologize, which probably means they’re just not decent people. But we can’t make such broad generalizations that it captures everyone. Individuals are unique. Sometimes people just don’t know how to apologize. They just don’t know what to do. They are at a loss.
I agreed, these are few and far between. Still, for me, an apology would’ve gone a long way. Especially, at this point, a public apology since my abuser/attacker humiliated me publicly in our community.
However, when that apology is a part of the abuse cycle, when the abusive behavior and subsequent apology form a pattern, that is certainly problematic. And that is most certainly more common. This is why there also needs to be social transparency within communities, As I talk about in the post “responsible community response.”
You are very right that abusers use apology as part of the abuse cycle. Their apologies are empty giving them the time needed to continue their abuse.
So, an apology *can* help, if it’s sincere and if the person apologizing learns from it, modifies his behavior in the future, and continues to grow in the relationship.
Humans apologize. Apologies can be sincere. But we and our communities must watch for such harmful abusive patterns, and that’s where community transparency comes into play.
Episode 46: The Power of Responsibility (Podcast).
Caught in the Cogs 
I know this post was well-intentioned but i’m afraid it sends the wrong message. Men/abusers are always apologizing. That’s part of the abuse, and part of the cycle of violence. They apologize to their victims, to the judge, etc. This is nothing and means nothing but a way to suck in the victim again and to get them off the hook with the judge, should they ever make it that far. Remunerations and punishment are in order, not apologies. Words are empty, but also a very dangerous way for the abuser to prey again.
Agreed.
That’s very true, indeed. Insincere apologies are a part of the abuse cycle.
My point in this piece, which perhaps was lost, is that there are those who make mistakes and don’t apologize because they feel thy can do no wrong.
An apology can go a long way in healing. I know that an acknowledgment of damage caused and an apology to me would have facilitated my healing. But, I am aware that it would likely have been insincere and I could have fallen back into the same pattern.
Still there are those who are so proud they make a mistake and don’t apologize, which probably means they’re just not decent people. But we can’t make such broad generalizations that it captures everyone. Individuals are unique. Sometimes people just don’t know how to apologize. They just don’t know what to do. They are at a loss.
I agreed, these are few and far between. Still, for me, an apology would’ve gone a long way. Especially, at this point, a public apology since my abuser/attacker humiliated me publicly in our community.
However, when that apology is a part of the abuse cycle, when the abusive behavior and subsequent apology form a pattern, that is certainly problematic. And that is most certainly more common. This is why there also needs to be social transparency within communities, As I talk about in the post “responsible community response.”
You are very right that abusers use apology as part of the abuse cycle. Their apologies are empty giving them the time needed to continue their abuse.
So, an apology *can* help, if it’s sincere and if the person apologizing learns from it, modifies his behavior in the future, and continues to grow in the relationship.
Humans apologize. Apologies can be sincere. But we and our communities must watch for such harmful abusive patterns, and that’s where community transparency comes into play.