Well. Not really.
Okay. I admit. That was a little overdramatic, but then…consider the source.
The woman behind O. M. Grey is very alive, indeed, but this post officially marks the end of actively promoting and engaging under this pen name. It’s not a decision I make lightly. I’ve been vacillating over this for a few months now, for the following reasons herein, but it’s finally time to execute OMG and make her “The Grey Ghost” for real.
Two weeks ago, before traveling to London, I sat in my local Starbucks enjoying my frothy mocha just before a job interview. “Maybe I’m Amazed” came on over the speakers, and my heart stopped. I haven’t heard that song in years, it seems, and McCartney’s incredible voice shot straight into my soul.
Passion entered my ears as the velvety bittersweet taste of the mocha washed over my tongue. At that moment, I took Vonnegut’s advice and said to myself: “If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.”
Then tears wet my eyes because I knew it marked the end of O. M. Grey. Finally. At long last.
Perhaps far too late, but it’s now over.
As I sat and listened to this song that has moved me every time I’ve heard it for the past 30 years, I felt that lingering desire to create words that would touch people in such a way.
Two documentaries, eleven books, dozens of stories and poems, scores of paintings and crocheted goodies, and hundreds of blog posts…struggling to be seen, to be read, to be heard…to be valued…
For the past decade-plus, I’ve given it my all, even through devastating assaults and crippling aftermath, I’ve plugged along the best I could.
The time has come, however, to give up…at least give up on the Steampunk Community, and by extension, O. M. Grey. I lost far too much momentum after The Musician’s assault. Afterward, I was devastated to the brink of death by The Rapist. I’ve since become (barely) known for my writings on abuse, assault, and recovery. All of which you can read about through the pages of this blog and the links herein.
I don’t have the energy or desire to start over again.
Besides, I’m weary of producing content so very few read. Although I’m eternally grateful for those who have supported me and my work–every single individual–there aren’t enough of you to pay the bills, especially since this blog gets hundreds of hits a day, but none go on to buy any of my books. I’m tired of struggling to keep my head above water. I’m tired of trying to warn a community against a sexual predator who they continue to reward and celebrate.
I’m done. I’m leaving Steampunk, perhaps even fandom as a whole. I’ve little interest in writing anymore, as I have nothing new to say that I haven’t said over and over again. When I do have something to say in the future, it will be under my real name. I might have another book in me, perhaps more short stories or poetry…time will tell. If you’re interested in those things, be sure to follow me through the links to follow.
I’ve a few existing obligations as O. M. Grey which I will happily fulfill, but after that, I’ll be going down a completely new path. Rest assured, if the handful of Steampunk event organizers or any other geek culture event that doesn’t support The Musician or other rapists want to bring me in as a guest to speak on Sexual Violence, Community Response, or Writing & Publishing, I will happily appear and speak with fervor and conviction, but I won’t hold my breath. Since I won’t be actively promoting O. M. Grey anymore, I’m guessing I will be quickly forgotten in those circles, if I haven’t already been.
Ultimately, this persona is no longer liberating or cathartic for me; it now feels like a toxic, painful prison. It’s served its evolving purpose, and now I’d very much like to be rid of the burden.
Please do not mistake this for me being silenced. I will never be silent again. I just won’t be speaking through this blog or under the moniker Olivia Grey anymore.
I’ll leave this blog up, as it’s helped hundreds of people feel less alone, and continues to do so. Scores have written to me over the years for advice or just to be heard, and we’ve helped and validated each other. I’m grateful to them, and I encourage any new readers to reach out. I will still be here for you as long as there is breath inside me, and I will continue to answer every single (respectful) comment.
It’s become painfully (or perhaps liberatingly) undeniable that fandom isn’t interested in what I have to say, either in fiction or in reality. They’re not interested in my stories, not even on a mid-scale, let alone a large one. That goes for both personas, actually.
Those readers who have found solace or joy in my work, I thank you with all that I am, and I encourage you to keep reading. I have produced so much, and it’s mostly all out there now. The few stories/poems that aren’t will show up on Kindle sooner or later. Keep an eye out for that.
New and existing readers, please find links to my fiction in the right sidebar. The page links to the right will take you to more information about who O. M. Grey is/was, her publications, and more work. Among those links you can also find my Amazon Author Page under O. M. Grey. Look at the most popular posts and follow specific tag words or categories (all linked on the right) to get started on navigating you way around the blog. Even an O. M. Grey walking tour of London map and old podcasts full of pain, hope, love, desire, and fiction…all waiting to be discovered….all linked in the right sidebar. Explore. Learn. Enjoy.
I also encourage you to reach out if you’d like. Several readers have become cherished friends. I welcome more. If you’re interested in continuing to read my words and hear my voice, I urge you to follow me under my real name on Twitter, on Facebook, and through my other blog. I’ve neglected it since so much was going into this one, so I’m consolidating.
Undoubtedly I will still write about Rape Culture and other such topics, but to a greatly diminished degree. Anything along those lines will likely show up on The Order of the White Feather blog, and quite possibly on the blog above. There, I might write about travel or alternative health or feminism or who knows what else, but it will all be published under my real name from now on. I might even re-release my O. M. Grey books & short stories under CR as well. Yet to be seen. Until then, I encourage you to follow the above two blogs and connect with me on other networks under my real name. The OMG Facebook page will be deleted as soon as I can figure out how to do it without my laptop. I’ve already said my farewells there, and @omgrey on Twitter will soon follow.
Until we meet again, may you find peace. This is The Grey Ghost signing off.
UPDATE: Resurrected this blog on 14 February 2017 while sitting in a Starbucks in Zürich, Switzerland. The posts to follow were moved from my personal blog to this one for the purposes of clearing my personal blog of such vulnerable, emotional posts and processing during a job search. For those of you who followed Caught in the Cogs years ago, welcome back! Catch up with my life and progress if you’d like. It would be nice to hear from you all again.
May you find peace.
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~ by omgrey on August 1, 2014.
Posted in Lost in the Aether, Trauma & Recovery
Tags: austin poly rapist, author, conventions, fantasy convention, farewell, geek culture, grey ghost, o.m. grey, olivia grey, rape culture, sexual violence, steampunk, steampunk musician