Poem: My Dangerous Heart

•April 5, 2016 • Leave a Comment

Beware! Oh, beware!
My dangerous heart
Its treachery knows no boundary
Forever alone
Forever apart
It killed the love that had found me.

True interest remains
As long as you stay
Far, far and away from it
For when you get close
It swallows you whole
Trapped in its cavernous pit.

Impressive and smart
Romantic and real
It’s bright and light and true
But beware! Beware!
My dangerous heart
If my eye doth fall on you.

For then you shall see
My dangerous heart
Will clutch you within its vice
I’m telling you now
To please stay away
You interest’s not worth the price.

Like the siren’s song
It pulls you along
Promising beauty and trust
But beware! Beware!
My dangerous heart
Will squeeze you until you’re dust.

So please heed my words
And run for the hills
Please save yourself while you can
My dangerous heart
Will tear you apart
Though love is its only plan.

So sad and alone
It yearns to be known
And really does try its best
But soon will be clear
My dangerous heart
Will destroy you like the rest.

It’s something so dark
So damaged and bruised
An emotional black hole
Thus beware! Beware!
My dangerous heart
Or it will consume your soul.

—-{—-{@

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You Say You Want to Talk to Me

•March 31, 2016 • 5 Comments

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Over the past few of months I met someone for whom I felt a considerable amount of emotion. Love, actually. My readers know him as Mr. Impossible. As you read in the poem I wrote about him “The Moment You Smiled,” I hadn’t planned to stay in touch as friends, but he reached out to me wanting to know more, curious about me, my past, my work.

We started to become friends, and you can imagine I was overjoyed because I felt so much for him already. He was brilliant and kind, funny and real. He had the ability to own his shit and mistakes and apologize. He was honest and trying to be more open, something difficult for him. Above all, he was genuine. Genuine in his words, his actions, and his affection for me.

At first. Continue reading ‘You Say You Want to Talk to Me’

Old Patterns, New Perspectives

•March 27, 2016 • 2 Comments


After an emotionally draining week, the details of which I won’t go into here, things are looking up! A few days off gave me some great perspective, and I’m seeing clearly now. I’m riding my own white horse.

Despite the amount of work we do on ourselves to break free of old patterns and socialization, we still fall into those deeply carved grooves, and it takes some doing to crawl back out of them.

Well, I’ve crawled out and feel the sweet rain on my face.  Continue reading ‘Old Patterns, New Perspectives’

Poem: I Forgot to Live

•March 25, 2016 • 2 Comments

I wrote this poem in Wordsworth’s Garden only a day after going to the hospital due to stress at work and loss of a support structure. Being out in the Lake District reminded me how much I had missed while working so much, which this week felt all for naught.

img_5552 Continue reading ‘Poem: I Forgot to Live’

My New Life

•March 21, 2016 • 2 Comments

This will be uncharacteristically short.

Even though the past two months were much better than they’ve been over the past four years for reasons I’ve discussed and explored here, they were still very emotional for reasons I also discussed and explored here. Because of the time of year and all the exciting and wondrous and painful changes, many of my recent posts have been processing emotional pain and unrequited love and past traumas.

But not this one. Continue reading ‘My New Life’

Two Steps Forward…

•March 20, 2016 • 1 Comment

…yep…

You know what comes next.

Any progress or learning truly takes on this pattern. We take two steps forward and just when we’re feeling so great about our progress we find ourselves taking one step back. Perhaps something unexpected happens, thus we take a step back to catch ourselves from falling. That’s normal, expected.

Still, so many of us beat ourselves up for taking that step back. Self included. Although, I’m recognizing it faster and faster each time, and I’m showing myself the compassion I so generously offer everyone else.

The other night I had one too many glasses of wine and was feeling really down on myself. I don’t drink often or much, but it had been two very long, demanding, 12-hr work days, and I wanted some wine. Sadly, the night ended in tears. A lot of tears. I beat myself up pretty hard that night, but I caught myself in the middle of it and changed that self-cruelty to self-soothing compassion.   Continue reading ‘Two Steps Forward…’

Never Say Never

•March 16, 2016 • Leave a Comment

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Two years ago I posted this image on my OMGrey Facebook with the words “Never Again.” Someone commented “then he wins,” and it really pissed me off. It angered me so much that I wrote a blog post about it. Yesterday, I reread that blog post entitled “Then He Wins,” and I still agree with most of it, even though I was in a place of anger at that time. That’s a damaging thing to say to a survivor. Most of my rant holds true, except…

I’m no longer in the “Never Again” space. Continue reading ‘Never Say Never’