There are a Lot of Really Nice Rapists Out There

Honestly?

You think I’m kidding, don’t you.

A fellow survivor and friend pointed this out to me this week, and I was utterly astounded. Truly, I don’t know why I’m surprised at any of this anymore. Now, in the above clip, the woman is cut off.

I wish I could say I understood what she was saying…

I wish I could say that she was expressing that there are a lot of rapists who **seem** nice, but are really raping assholes. After all, if all rapists were creepy, disgusting dudes who drooled and didn’t bathe and masturbated in public before the raping started, we’d all have a better chance at avoiding being alone with rapists. Wouldn’t we?

Although some rapists are like that, most aren’t. Most rapists look just like anyone else until the raping starts. Sure. They seem nice. They’re charming. Handsome. Funny. “Spiritual.” Whatever…up until the raping starts.

But…she’s not saying that. She’s saying that RAPISTS have parental rights, and they should because “there are a lot of really nice rapists out there.”

I really, really wish I was kidding.

• It’s not enough that our communities don’t believe us, embracing our rapist and shunning us.
• It’s not enough that the cops minimize our violent rapes into some watered-down, understated sexual encounter.
• It’s not enough that we have to go into therapy for months or years, losing our ability to trust anyone.
• It’s not enough that sex is never the same again, and that we can’t bear to have sex that’s not exploitative or violent or completely dissociative, not even with our own husbands.

Nope. None of that is enough, is it?

There are states that feel the need to give rapists PARENTAL RIGHTS for rapes that resulted in pregnancy. Victims must seek permission from their rapist to get an abortion, otherwise THE RAPIST can sue their victims for murdering their child.

Are you fucking kidding me?

On top of being violated in the absolute worst way possible…

(Honestly, had you given me a choice before my rape to be raped by the man I loved and discarded or to die, I would’ve chosen death. Easily. Hands down. It is truly a fate worse than death.)

…these states (31 States!) say that the RAPIST has a say in whether or not the woman, whose body he violently violated, can abort or not. If she chooses to have the baby, then THE RAPIST has PARENTAL RIGHTS to see the child. Certainly not. But they get visitation rights. Yes, they do.

If she gives the child up for adoption, understandably, as recovering from rape is often a life-long process, she is demonized for giving up her child. If she keeps the child, of course, all health care for these babies ends the moment it’s born. So there is the mother, rape survivor, with an unplanned baby from a rape, no insurance, PLUS she has to see HER RAPIST for weekly child visits. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

A few months back, I featured a beautiful piece of satire called “A Fan Letter to Certain Conservative Politicians.” Well worth another read. Scalzi hits the nail on the head.

Still think I’m kidding?

Read this: Rapist Who Got Young Girl Pregnant Traumatizes Her Again By Seeking Visitation With Her Child

She was 14 when she was raped.

14.

He confessed, and they still didn’t convict.

This is reality, people.

This.

The friend who alerted me to this ridiculous clip has a daughter from a particularly brutal rape. My friend nearly died. She had to give up the name of her rapist or go through the humiliating process of running an ad that read: “{victim’s name} was raped on the night of {date}, in or around first and main streets in {city} the rape resulted in a pregancy if you are the father, please step orward to claim or terminate your parental rights.”

My friend tried being an advocate, talking to senators and the like. This is what she got: “But they are the fathers.”

This was 18 years ago. Nothing’s changed.

Think 18 years is a long time for nothing to have changed? Try nearly five centuries.

Lord Chief Justice Sir Matthew Hale, a 17th-century English jurist: “In a rape case it is the victim, not the defendant, who is on trial.”

Yep.

So, two women are abused every hour in Pakistan? 
One woman is RAPED every. single. minute in the USA.
SIXTY women are RAPED every hour in the USA.

When will we, America, say NO MORE to the RAPIST?
When will we, America, hold the RAPIST accountable?
When will we, America, support the victim and not the RAPIST?
When will we, America, not blame the victim but rather question the accused?
When will we, America, take the blinders off and acknowledge that ONE BILLION women will be beaten or raped in their lifetime?
When will we, America, admit we have a rape problem that’s even bigger than India’s? Where 1800 women are raped every day? Where only 3% of RAPISTS ever see even 1 day of jail time?

When will you, reader?

~ by omgrey on February 20, 2013.