Resurrected.

•February 14, 2017 • 2 Comments

Hello everyone. It’s been nearly three years since I killed off O. M. Grey, but I will be posting on this site again. For the past few years I’ve been writing on my personal blog, but the need to find new employment has made it impossible to vent, process, and write about such highly personal things on there anymore.

Although this is the first day I returned to write on this site, I will populate this blog with articles from my personal site and set them on the day they were originally posted. Some posts will appear on both blogs. Sometimes I will refer to myself here using my real name rather than Olivia (O. M.) Grey, but I’m sure you’re all smart enough to follow along.

The Grey Ghost has returned, and she’s got a lot to say.

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A Violent Spectrum

•July 5, 2017 • 1 Comment


TW: sexual assault, rape, PTSD

“It’s horrible and shameful that women in 2017 still live with the constant threat of sexual assault, but it’s a reality we don’t have to accept quietly.” (Source)

A friend shared this Bored Panda article on my Facebook wall today:

Guy Left In Tears After Trying To Grope Woman, But Not Everyone Agrees She Has Right To Fight Back Like That

So many don’t understand this is *sexual assault*. I didn’t even understand that myself until about 5 years ago. We are socialized to accept such behavior as normal, and if we react at all, we’re shamed and silenced for “overreacting.”Sexual violence occurs on a spectrum, where even the slightest offense is too much. It is assault.  

Once I consciously accepted what my body had known for over twenty years (thus the Complex PTSD), I realized that I had been sexually assaulted across the spectrum multiple times, mostly by people I knew and trusted. Acknowledging that was like another assault. It was traumatizing. 

Whether someone grabs your ass, crotch, or breasts without consent or doesn’t take no (or indication of no) for an answer, it’s sexual assault. 

Period.

If there is penetration into your body (mouth, anus, or vagina) with any object, including but not limited to a penis, fingers, foreign object, no matter how slight or for how long, it is rape.

Period.

We (as women especially, but also covering the spectrum of gender) have been socialized to accept so much sexual violence (pretty much anything falling short of extremely brutal stranger rape) as acceptable behavior. So much in fact, that only ~25% of women whose experience matches the legal definition of rape consider themselves a rape victim.

This is what is now known as “rape culture.” It’s a society that minimizes and normalizes sexual assault. 

It’s a society that *socially* puts the burden of proof on the traumatized rather than questioning the accused.
It’s a society that not only accepts sexual assault and its perpetrators but celebrates them (John Lennon, Bill Cosby, Michael Jackson, etc.)… The USA elected a sexual predator for president. 

It’s a society that doesn’t believe victims when they come forward (even en masse and/or with witnesses and overwhelming physical/video proof) and then shames victims who choose not to come forward (to face further abuse). 

It’s a society that makes excuses for the perpetrator, aka rape apology, like “s/he probably didn’t realize,” “s/he was confused/drunk,” “but s/he’s so nice to me/never hurt me,” etc.

It’s a society that blames the victim or target of violence: “why was s/he there at that time/alone/etc.?”, “look what she was wearing?”, “why didn’t s/he fight back?”, “did you say no?”, “did you say no forcefully enough?” 

Ad nauseam. 

It’s a society that has tens of thousands of untested rape kits. 

It’s a society in which only ~14% of perpetrators ever see the inside of a courtroom. One in which only 3% of sexual predators ever spends a single day in jail. 
It’s a society in which ~80% of sexual violence is perpetrated by someone the victim/target knows. 

One in which 1 in 3 women have or will experience sexual violence. Personally, I think it’s much higher than that, as I’ve yet to meet a woman over the age of 15 who hasn’t been groped against her will, let alone finding it difficult to think less than 50% (of women I’ve met) who’ve experienced attempted or completed rape.  

All this starts here, with things like this article. The fact that so many still question whether or not this woman had the right to defend herself against assault tells me we still have a long way to go.

Farewell, My Love

•March 6, 2017 • 5 Comments

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I did it. Today I said goodbye.

With a lot of love and kindness, along with the frank reasons behind it, I told my love farewell. Of course, he left me weeks ago, for the second time in two months. As you read in my last post, I was truly hoping for a 3rd chance, but it’s clearly not going to happen. Continue reading ‘Farewell, My Love’

Enabling the Disabled

•February 26, 2017 • 3 Comments


I’m sitting here on the banks of Luzernsee in Lucerne, Switzerland, and if there was ever a place to be heartbroken and confused, this is it.

The only beauty that compares to the Alps are the Scottish Highlands, a different sort of beauty. Dark and wild, rather like my soul.

I’m heartbroken and confused because I’m still sick with this virus, an affliction caught from a severely personality-disabled person who refuses to get help for either his mental or physical ailments.

…and I refuse to give up on him, but I must find a way to do just that. Continue reading ‘Enabling the Disabled’

I Love You. Leave Me Alone. Please Come Back.

•February 15, 2017 • 2 Comments

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I was wrong. Well, at least partly wrong, which is known to happen from time to time.

Last month, I wrote an angry, ranting post about RED FLAGS and Covert Narcissism, but what I failed to see were the Borderline aspects of this severely personality-disordered individual, who I have come to deeply love. My compassion for him is endless, and I wish him the absolute best in the time he has left.

I’m not in the least bit angry anymore. I’m sad and concerned, but we are apart once again.

Before I tell my tale of foolishness and pain, I’d like to preface this by saying that my heart and mind are with him in his struggle. I’m so pleased we were able to share some tenderness, intimacy, vulnerability, and kindness. It was very real for me then, and it still is now. Continue reading ‘I Love You. Leave Me Alone. Please Come Back.’

Love Bombing & Covert Narcissism

•January 11, 2017 • 5 Comments

love-bombs

Yesterday I wrote a very personal rant on a recent whirlwind mind-fuck by a severely personality-disordered person. I thought I could tell the signs of Narcissism and Sociopathy, but I forgot about Covert Narcissists.

Now I know. Rather, now I remember.

Covert Narcissists are even harder to spot than Narcissists and Sociopaths, thus the “covert” part of the description. Some experts believe the Covert Narcissist is actually a subset of Borderline Personality Disorder, another Cluster B Personality Disorder.

The Love Bombing is the same, although with Covert Narcissists, much of the seduction and manipulation of the highly empathic and sensitive person consists of pity and victimization. Covert Narcissists are perpetual victims, have extremely low self-esteem, and feed off the adoration of others, that is until some perceived insult or threat makes their target no longer worthwhile. This entire cycle is called the Idealize – Devalue – Discard Cycle. Continue reading ‘Love Bombing & Covert Narcissism’

WARNING: RED FLAGS AHEAD

•January 9, 2017 • 6 Comments

Another Warning: Total Cathartic Highly-Personal Venting Rant Below…

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I see them sooner these days, that’s for sure. But I have a tendency to still make excuses for too many of them because, like Mulder always says, “I want to believe,” and as Spike said, “I’m love’s bitch.” I want to believe because I’m kind, compassionate, emathetic, trusting, naive, and foolish in matters of the heart. Continue reading ‘WARNING: RED FLAGS AHEAD’