Resurrected.

•February 14, 2017 • 2 Comments

Hello everyone. It’s been nearly three years since I killed off O. M. Grey, but I will be posting on this site again. For the past few years I’ve been writing on my personal blog, but the need to find new employment has made it impossible to vent, process, and write about such highly personal things on there anymore.

Although this is the first day I returned to write on this site, I will populate this blog with articles from my personal site and set them on the day they were originally posted. Some posts will appear on both blogs. Sometimes I will refer to myself here using my real name rather than Olivia (O. M.) Grey, but I’m sure you’re all smart enough to follow along.

The Grey Ghost has returned, and she’s got a lot to say.

I Love You. Leave Me Alone. Please Come Back.

•February 15, 2017 • Leave a Comment

maxresdefault

I was wrong. Well, at least partly wrong, which is known to happen from time to time.

Last month, I wrote an angry, ranting post about RED FLAGS and Covert Narcissism, but what I failed to see were the Borderline aspects of this severely personality-disordered individual, who I have come to deeply love. My compassion for him is endless, and I wish him the absolute best in the time he has left.

I’m not in the least bit angry anymore. I’m sad and concerned, but we are apart once again.

Before I tell my tale of foolishness and pain, I’d like to preface this by saying that my heart and mind are with him in his struggle. I’m so pleased we were able to share some tenderness, intimacy, vulnerability, and kindness. It was very real for me then, and it still is now. Continue reading ‘I Love You. Leave Me Alone. Please Come Back.’

Love Bombing & Covert Narcissism

•January 11, 2017 • 4 Comments

love-bombs

Yesterday I wrote a very personal rant on a recent whirlwind mind-fuck by a severely personality-disordered person. I thought I could tell the signs of Narcissism and Sociopathy, but I forgot about Covert Narcissists.

Now I know. Rather, now I remember.

Covert Narcissists are even harder to spot than Narcissists and Sociopaths, thus the “covert” part of the description. Some experts believe the Covert Narcissist is actually a subset of Borderline Personality Disorder, another Cluster B Personality Disorder.

The Love Bombing is the same, although with Covert Narcissists, much of the seduction and manipulation of the highly empathic and sensitive person consists of pity and victimization. Covert Narcissists are perpetual victims, have extremely low self-esteem, and feed off the adoration of others, that is until some perceived insult or threat makes their target no longer worthwhile. This entire cycle is called the Idealize – Devalue – Discard Cycle. Continue reading ‘Love Bombing & Covert Narcissism’

WARNING: RED FLAGS AHEAD

•January 9, 2017 • 2 Comments

Another Warning: Total Cathartic Highly-Personal Venting Rant Below…

redflags

I see them sooner these days, that’s for sure. But I have a tendency to still make excuses for too many of them because, like Mulder always says, “I want to believe,” and as Spike said, “I’m love’s bitch.” I want to believe because I’m kind, compassionate, emathetic, trusting, naive, and foolish in matters of the heart. Continue reading ‘WARNING: RED FLAGS AHEAD’

Poem: For Just A Few Moments

•January 2, 2017 • 3 Comments

heart

For just a few moments
I captured your heart
A sweet, brief reunion
After decades apart

For just a few moments
We talked through the night
Sharing stories and thoughts
Of both darkness and light

For just a few moments
Our souls intertwined
Our hearts dared to hope
And joy filled our minds

For just a few moments
I let down my shield
You let yours down, too

For just a few moments
I thought it was real

My sweetheart, my darling
My muskrat, my dove
Your sweet gentle kindness
Grew quickly to love

You coaxed me to fall
Right alongside you
For just a few moments
It surely felt true

My battered heart so scared
To go too far in haste
But, after thirty years
Time we shouldn’t waste

For just a few moments
You made me believe
In love and hope and joy

For just a few moments
You made me believe
In you. In me. In us.

Then I watched you leave

An instant, a breath
The blink of an eye
Silence. Discarded.
You left me to cry.

I tried to reach out.
I tried to amend.
You shut down completely.
No lover, no friend.

I don’t understand.
I racked my brain ‘why?’
No reason. No cause.
I can’t say goodbye.

After searching so long
After finding you now
I can’t let you go
Please, tell me how.

For just a few moments
I laid myself bare
A future of hope
Adventures to share

For just a few moments
I had this nice dream
Where I sure loved you
And you sure loved me

For just a few moments
I believed in it all.
A foolish young schoolgirl.
Nothing more, after all.

F*CK FEELINGS

•April 27, 2016 • Leave a Comment
Helm Crag in Grasmere

Helm Crag in Grasmere

F*CK FEELINGS, by Michael Bennet & Sarah Bennet, might’ve been the best purchase I’ve made all year. The book’s premise falls somewhere between Nihilism and Buddhism, which is exactly where I fall, so it speaks to me. It’s about “managing expectations, accepting limitations, and wrangling Assholes,” and it’s done in a very frank and often hilarious way (314).

It does use fuck a lot, but that word doesn’t bother me at all. Sometimes FUCK is the best, most expressive, appropriate word one can use. In this book, it is used well. It’s a book about “letting go” without using that tired, old, annoying, oh-so-spiritual phrase. Better than “letting go” is learning not to give a flying fuck. It’s freedom. As someone who frequently utters the word fuck, I reject the notion that only unintelligent or inarticulate people use profanity. I adhere to the concept that people who use profanity are more honest.
Continue reading ‘F*CK FEELINGS’

Well, Hello Me!

•April 17, 2016 • Leave a Comment

Freedom! Joy! Beauty! Laughter! There I am! I’m living again!

After a ridiculously stressful time, I’ve once again found peace and joy in my own company. When my anxiety reaches dangerous heights, when I’m crying every morning, when I’m self-medicating just to make it through the day, I should know something is off; however, when I’m engulfed in the darkness or in crisis, I don’t see my situation clearly because I’m in survival mode and everything is distorted by those dark glasses. Continue reading ‘Well, Hello Me!’